Oh Ho Yes!
We are writing you on biodegradable paper made from recycled Occupy flyers in hopes that you’ll realize how good we’ve been this year. We were so nice to the needy (listening with rapt attention to all those imperfect How About We dates). We kept our language appropriate around little old ladies (biting our tongues as they shoved us to the curb to get on Muni first). We even picked up other people’s pet poop (okay, just once, but still).
We did all of these deeds selflessly in the spirit of San Francisco, but deep down we want you to remember us come Christmas. We would very much appreciate it if your special sack includes gifts with our name on it. Please find below, a list of presents we hope to see under our trees on Christmas morning:
* Gimme shelter. Say, a one bedroom with walk-in closets, hardwood floors, and good natural light for under one grand … Okay, let’s be realistic, two grand.
* A mission statement for OccupySF.
* Can every month be Movember? Santa, being a full-bearded fellow yourself, you obviously know how good dudes look with mustaches.
* Forget parklets. Every neighborhood needs a public ping-pong table and paddles to go with ’em.
* Revive the beloved ghosts of Christmas Past. We miss the Red Vic, the Eagle, Into Video, Film Yard, and Al’s Comics.
* Can SF Weekly and the SF Bay Guardian just get along? We don’t like it when daddy and daddy fight.
* We’d like a backup band for Omer and the chance see him play at the Great American Music Hall. Frank Chu would be the perfect MC.
* Indian summers. We think we remember them. It’s been so long since we’ve seen sun appear in the months when bathing suits are still on the racks.
* A peace treaty for taxis and bikers. Okay, okay. Maybe for 24 hours?
* Doors for the ladies bathroom stalls at The Hemlock. The curtain is very nice, but doors are so contemporary.
Thanks, Santa! Hope you enjoy the locally made macarons and bourbon we left out for you next to our sustainably raised Christmas tree that we promise to mulch after the holidays.