The Hacker, the Sacker, the Midnight Snacker
Ah, the dream of living alone in San Francisco.Most of us would love to run amok in a palatial apartment where we can leave the doors wide open while we, say, trim the pubes. But not everyone can afford to swing living solo when studios start at $1,500.
The alternative? Roommates.
Chances are you’ve dealt with a communal household at some point in your San Francisco existence, whether you landed there in the olden days of Roommate Referral or grabbed housemates off Craigslist or Facebook. We’re living with 10 people as we type this, one of whom has totally been conditioning with our stash of Bumble and Bumble.
Because we feel your pain (and we swear we didn’t drink your last PBR), we offer a selection of people you’ve probably lived with, if you’ve lived in San Francisco long enough.
The dude who makes the bathroom smell like rotten pineapples. (Seriously, how does that scent even happen?)
The klutz who has broken all your awesome vintage dishes and collectibles.
The mouse who nibbles your groceries down to small nuggets.
The wooger who demands the household pitch in for an energy cleanse of the apartment.
The "connected" tech nerd whose social life is lived out entirely on a laptop.
The pet owner whose kitty has peed on your bed and whose dog does that butt-scoot thing on the carpet.
The hairy Sasquatch whose fur clogs the drain.
The player who leaves booty calls to have coffee with you in the morning.
The passive-aggressive note-writer fond of ALL CAPS and mispelng.
The check bouncer who is “soo sorry” that there were not enough funds in her account for rent AGAIN.
The toilet seat pee-er and skidmark leaver.
The loud talker/humper. Congrats on bagging that supercrush, but we do not need to hear all the sexy details.
The environmentalist who is overly concerned about composting and recycling, but who strangely never takes out the trash.
The freeloading boyfriend/girlfriend of your roommate who pays zero rent, because, like, they have their own apartment.
The ex-boyfriend who “could not afford” to get his own place after you broke up.