San Francisco Phobias

Apr 03, 2013 at 6am

San Francisco is a city of shared experiences. We share cars, apartments, drugs, and sexual partners. Hell, I once shared my bike with a guy in SOMA. I’m still waiting for him to share it back with me. 

So it should come as no surprise that we also share common fears here – concerns and anxieties that help separate the locals from everyone else in the country. Because when it comes down to it, some things scare pretty much every San Franciscan, whether they realize it or not.

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Sure, you think, “They can’t stop us all, man.” But what if they did?

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I don’t care how much you compost. Bring your damn bag or suffer the burning wrath of a judging stare.

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Not that there’s anything wrong with a little BDS&M. But do you really want to sit down at your next quarterly review and picture your boss being flogged by a giant man wearing an enema backpack?

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We already lost Buster Posey for a year due to injury. But what would happen if the Giants traded him to the Dodgers? Panic. Pandemonium. No World Series.

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“Why am I walking home wearing my bike helmet? Shit!”

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What could be worse than using Lyft to take a date home, when who pulls over to pick you up? Oh, yeah, that’s who.

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The only way home is to pay an arm and a leg to someone who seems like the only cabbie willing to drive you back over the bridge.

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It could be the next big thing. The next Friendster even. It’s so obvious! But … shit, it’s too obvious.

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Blue Bottle has 11 locations, including a few in New York. Is this how Seattle felt before Starbucks became the McDonald’s of coffee?

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Our Oakland friends tell us this has already happened.

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When meeting someone new, “Where do you live?” has become the new “Are you single?”

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What would you do on a sunny day? What would we all do? Just thinking about it is enough to make a San Franciscan drink.
Did we miss any essential San Francisco fears? Add yours to the comments section.

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