Photo by bsterling                                                               Photo by Mr. Babyman

Sacramento Magazine published its long anticipated story Sac vs SF yesterday and we gotta say, LOL. Sacramento is awesome. I'll give you that. And yes, Lavender Heights is the best name for a gay neighborhood I've ever heard. But better than us? Better than San Franfuckingcisco? You're trippin, Sacramento.

I will concede all arguments about Sac being where a lot of our food comes from, better for conventions, and not dying in an earthquake, but regarding the important issues, here is a break down of why Sac's got nothing on us:

1. Sacramentans sounds stupid.

San Franciscans sounds awesome.

2. Bridge wars

I'm kind of surprised Sacramento would pick this fight. Who cares if the Golden Gate Bridge is "decidedly orange." Golden poppies aka the state flower are also orange and nobody has problems with those. And not to be a dick, but you realize we have TWO awesome bridges, right? And don't kid yourselves, size matters.

3. Ban Francisco is awesome

Having crazy bans and debates over them is something that makes this city great. If you can't stand the heat, get out of our undersized, overpriced kitchen.

4. Mayor 1 on 1 challenge

Everyone knows dance fights (not basketball games) are the only challenges that actually matter. I don't care how tall your mayor is. The real question is: Can he twerk?

5. River Cats vs Giants is not an OK comparison 

You don't compare major league and minor league game prices. Actually, just steer clear of comparing the Giants to anyone else ever.

6. Seasons are overrated

Someone (probably not Mark Twain, although everyone attributes him) once said, “The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco.” But how cool is it that?! Where's your epic seasonal quote, Sacramento?

7. About Sac having cheaper gas, private education, food, rent, sales tax, and Brazilian waxes

I only see this as a testament to San Francisco's X factor. I'm not talking about the magic spell within the city limits that draws ex lovers into each others' paths constantly, I'm talking about that thing about SF that makes all the money you bleed while living here worth it. I wouldn't wanna go broke anywhere else.