In this never-never land we call San Francisco, people have kids much later than the national average. We’re all having too much fun; our jobs are too engrossing; and the cost of living here is so high that we can’t afford kids anyway. I went against the grain by having my child while I was still in my twenties, and now, three years later, people in their late twenties and early thirties sidle up to me all the time with questions about parenthood. “What will I really have to give up? How will my lifestyle change? Am I ready?” If you’ve ever found yourself plagued with that niggling question, here’s a quiz to sort that sucker right out.

Baby-meter 0

Diaper Up

You are loving life. Enjoy it while it lasts, little filly. Your propensity to make lifestyle choices based on what you believe to be right and best for you means you actually have what it takes to be a parent, and you’ll give up this la-di-dah existence for a binky and a Moby Wrap soon enough. I see cloth diapers in your near future.

Use Protection

You are balls deep in the good life. Load up on birth control, and steer clear of adoption conversations. Parenting is not for you.

Parent Trap

You are already a parent. Go watch your kid, you interloper. Laugh that crazy little-weasel laugh you do when people ask you questions about having kids. Just don’t do it too loudly; you’ll wake the baby.