Truth Talk with Jessica Lanyadoo: Should We Shack Up?
When it comes to good advice, Jessica Lanyadoo has it in spades. The Mission’s resident psychic/astrologer/badass gets booked months in advance by San Franciscans seeking help with everything from figuring out their love lives to communicating with their pets. So we asked Jessica if she’d come on board to do a weekly advice column for The Bold Italic. If you have a burning question for Truth Talk with Jessica Lanyadoo, email her at firstname.lastname@example.org, and check back on Wednesdays to see if she has an answer for you.
My girlfriend really wants me to move in with her, and as a concept, the idea sounds awesome. We’d save rent; I’m practically at her house all the time anyway; and we wouldn’t have to plan when we’d be seeing each other as much. But then, this being San Francisco, I’m really scared to leave my rent-controlled place. Like, what if I move out, she and I break up six months later, and I’m out on my ass looking at places that are three times as expensive? —Alyssa
Good lord, Alyssa, hold on to your rent-controlled apartment!
There’s no reason to move in with your GF other than because you adore her and want to take your relationship to the next level. Moving in with your sweetie is not a conceptual thing. Living with someone is hard; it requires consideration and compromise, and if you’re not careful, it can be a total lady boner-killer. Mad rents aside, this is not the kind of decision you should make lightly or just because she wants it. If you love her, I encourage you to be in the 90-percentile range about how much you’d like to live with her. Then, and only then, is giving up your precious rent-controlled apartment a good idea.
I’ve been sleeping with the same guy pretty regularly for a couple of years. He’ll never be my boyfriend, but he’s an excellent booty call. Sometimes I wonder, though, if I’m doing something wrong by having sex with the same dude, who, I know, is a dead end. Should I cut him off because I know there will never be more or enjoy our bangin’ sex life while we have it? —Laura
This is a hard question to answer because I know so little about you. Do you want to be in an LTR? Is this guy a jerk who knows how to make real-good sex, or is he a lovely guy who’s just not right for you? Because let’s face it: having sex with the same guy for years on end is on some level a cock-block to attracting someone worth investing in. How would you be behaving differently if you weren’t getting your needs met on the regular? My guess is that you’d be trying harder to make things happen with other guys if this one wasn’t so available to you. If you want to be in a serious relationship, it’s better to keep your tricks truly casual so you can focus on making connections with quality guys. But if you don’t really want a BF, I say get it, girl. There is no shame in having a good time. (But please, oh, please tell me you use condoms. And not, like, usually, but every single time. Otherwise I change my answer and advise you to take a vow of chastity and get an STD test – for reals.)
Go to www.lovelanyadoo.com to read Jessica’s free weekly astrology column or to schedule a reading.