We’re five episodes away from the end, and The Real World: Ex-Plosion isn’t wasting any time before digging into the meaty drama – reminding us that relatively hot people are just as terrible as you and I. And oftentimes, worse. There's gotta be class-action suit in here somewhere, because all I see are self-proclaimed "victims.” Let’s dive in!

After Brian and Jenny spent the previous episode discussing how many kids they want together, Brian wakes up with a hangover from both the alcohol and the memory that he hooked up with a chemical engineer at da club. Cory and Brian agree that this is a dangerous situation for Brian to be in – although “sleazy” is probably the better word.

If, like Jenna, you’re in love with Jay, prepare to get your heart broken. It’s painfully clear that the no-sex, no-labels, no “I-love-you”s relationship is a lame duck for the dude, who really just wants to be validated with some new puss to prove that he’s “still got it.” More depressingly, Jenna’s affections are unrequited, annoying, and feed a bitter cycle of attention seeking. Throughout the episode, Jay manipulates Jenna into tears, playing the victim when he’s clearly the asshole, and alienating the rest of the house in the process.

On a similar note, I’m tired of Tom. After snubbing Hailey for Jamie, he’s asked how he’d feel if Hailey brought a guy home. “Disrespectful,” he says. “Don’t do it on national TV and make me look like a fool.” When he's put on blast for disrespecting Hailey and making her look like a fool on national TV, he tells her “You did that to yourself.” In the kitchen, he reveals that his history with Hailey is more sordid than it would seem; she cheated on him with two guys while they were in a long distance relationship, leaving Tom with massive trust issues.

Later she freestyle raps her frustrations at Brian before getting into a very drunk argument and giving him five and change across the face.

Brian takes Jenny out to a public place to confess his indiscretion, hoping she won’t cause a scene – which like, has he met Jenny? That girl would throw a tantrum in front of the Queen of England. Although he displays great skill in meandering around the point, Jenny isn’t swayed and breaks things off then and there. She then locks him out of the house when they get home, and later promises that he’s “lit the flames of Hell.” Ooh.

That night, at da club, Hailey’s new ploy to make Tom jealous by getting a hot German exchange student’s phone number is working perfectly – even more so when Tom complains to Jamie about it. This only reinforces to Jamie that Tom has some seriously deep seated immaturity. He yells at her not to roll her eyes at him, but it’s an impotent rage and they both know it. Meanwhile, Jenny steals Hailey’s idea by nabbing the German and hooking up with him outside the club. Later she freestyle raps her frustrations at Brian before getting into a very drunk argument and giving him five and change across the face. This is immediately followed by The Real World: Ex-Plosion's fourth PSA, this one about dating abuse.  

The Real World security team suddenly arrives, forcing Jenny and Brian to scream at each other from their respective leashes. Jenny accuses Brian of not knowing how to spell “apologize,” which is clearly true, but he calls her “a mythological squid that grabs ships and pulls them down.” I believe he is referring to a Kraken, which is also correct. I kind of zoned out from here, to be honest. They’re both loud, drunk, and wrong; I’m more concerned about Arielle and the pizza she ordered. She never gets to eat it, which is obviously a huge plot hole.