So Much Weeping and Reading of Dirty Emails: Real World 9

Mar 13 at 1pm

Tensions in the Real World: Ex-Plosion house are approaching a rapid boil. So much has changed in such a short time, and as we all know from Chemistry 101, the faster the reaction, the more violent and explosive it’ll be. Jenny’s outburst (and sweet Van Damme roundhouse) upon learning of her man’s infidelities might be evidence of that enough, but strap in – the worst is yet to come. 

For starters, I TOTALLY CALLED Cory and Brian’s newfound bromance, which is in full effect now that they’re both single Eskimo Brothers endlessly tired of Jenny’s attitude. They've entered into a bro-pocalypse, if you will, although I’m still never sure if Brian really understands what he’s saying, ever.

So apparently the producers, drama seekers that they are, sent Jay a video clip of him hooking up with a random cutie at a club. You know, just in case he forgot. Jay trips nuts, saying, “If they air this, I’m screwed." This sentiment has become a very consistent theme for him, as he repeatedly forgets that he’s ON CAMERA 24/7. Ari, the omnipresent true-bro of the house, deletes the video, leaving it on Jay to be real with his girl before she has to hear it from someone else. Unfortunately, that someone else turns out to be Lady Justice herself, Jamie. Good thing the producers have another copy of the video to send Jenna directly, and for the first time we get to see Jenna unable to smush her emotions into a teeny-tiny box. She confronts Jay and SO MUCH WEEPING AND READING OF DIRTY EMAILS. This relationship, and my personal image of Jay (who invoked his recently deceased mom as part of his quasi-apology), have been irreparably tarnished. Jenny, who read an anti-violence PSA last episode, suggests Jenna smack Jay in the face like you would a dog.

Meanwhile, Tom is just being a vindictive, indecisive son of a bitch. He wants Hailey to leave, and pulls Ari and Jamie into this weird plan to make her life a living hell if she doesn’t, just like the clique of 15-year old-girls they are. This is doubly depressing on the tail of Hailey telling Jenny about her issues with her broken childhood, and sandwiched with Tom warning viewers that Hailey might commit murder on the show. Instead of killing, Hailey dances all up on Tom in da club, and boy you should see how small Jamie’s mouth gets when she sees that. It’s a feat of anatomy. EVERYBODY gets mad at each other, even Tom and Jamie, which is super props to drunk, scheming Hailey, who takes Jenny’s advice to Jenna and backhands Tom hard once the conversation gets to that point. At the end of the night, Hailey is broken down on the phone with her godmother, talking about leaving the show or staying and making Tom’s life terrible. Nice job dude, that didn’t totally backfire.

Tune in next week because pretty much everyone but Ari and Ash are broken up and fighting, and SURPRISE, Ashley’s back for a visit! Now I am actually afraid someone will get murdered. Hope so!

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