10 Reasons Why San Franciscans Are Late
By Lauren Busley
Recently, a friend of mine was grumbling about how his latest love interest consistently shows up 10 minutes late for dates. Well duh. San Franciscans never intend to be late, but we’re often unavoidably a little behind schedule. There are the usual reasons – Muni, parking, traffic – but here are 10 other completely valid reasons for the hold up.
1. The “San Francisco left turn”
Those evil no-left-turn signs have thwarted our foolish dreams of a left hand turn for miles and now we’re officially late. We are forced to give up the ghost, take the time to turn right, make an illegal u-turn, and then go straight.
2. Slow drip coffee
There were probably seven other places to get our morning caffeine fix, but that place with the really good slow drip was just a few blocks in the wrong direction. Add 10 minutes for going out of the way and 25 minutes to prepare slow drip coffee. Worth the wait.
Our boss put a last minute project on our desk at 4:45pm. We could’ve put it off until tomorrow, but did we mention the leftover burritos up for grabs in the kitchen? We had to tackle both the project and that delicious carne asada immediately, which may have set us back a bit on timing.
Maybe it’s day three of that new diet everyone is on and, even though we got 11 hours of sleep last night, fewer carbs means more snooze button taps. Or, perhaps it was that mid-week show that kept us out until 2 a.m.? Either way, we’re sleepy and 30 more minutes of sleep will make us much easier to deal with later in the day. This is really the best thing for all of us.
5. Unexpected costume gatherings
One minute, a few people appear, walking together in costume. Typical Saturday, not shocking. And then suddenly, a crowd of costumed people begins to grow and we realize – oh, crap, that event was this weekend? All of a sudden, drunk Santas/Leprechauns/Hunky Jesuses/etc. flood the crosswalks, blocking our path, and making us late with their merriment. We can’t be mad, only upset we’re missing out on the fun.
6. We’re hungover
We try to be responsible and only have a couple casual drinks with friends on a school night, but those fancy craft cocktails are not messing around. One or two of those bad boys and the next morning we need some extra time to fix our sudden-onset-dehydration before we brave the daylight.
7. The power nap
The plan was bulletproof: Bottomless mimosas for brunch from 1-3 p.m., followed by a 45 minute power nap, a trip to the grocery store, and laundry before dinner reservations at 8 p.m. Plenty of time. Whoops. It’s 8:15pm and we just woke up on the couch. How did that happen?
8. We got on the wrong bus
We caught an elusive Municorn! We feel so lucky – clearly, that good karma from doing our roommate’s dishes is really paying off. That is, until the Muni starts turning the wrong direction and we realize that we didn’t look carefully enough at the number/letter. We’re on the J instead of the N, or the 33 instead of the 22. We swear we didn’t just move here!
9. We’re double booked
In San Francisco, we are always busy. We were late for our work happy hour, which made us late for dinner, which made us late to your birthday karaoke party. We promise to be there in time to get in a rendition of “Baby Got Back” before last call.
10. Because everyone else is
Why be on-time just to stand around scrolling through our Instagram feed for the billionth time while we wait for everyone else to show up? We all know that none one of us will be on-time. Fifteen minutes late is the new on-time, agreed? Agreed.