The Hardest Things to Get Into Here (Besides Stanford)

May 01 at 9am

A few weeks ago Stanford officially became the hardest school in the country to get into. A mere 1 out of 17 applicants for the class of 2018 gained admission to the elite institution. And sure, you totally could have gotten into Stanford or whatever (you just didn’t want to participate in the college admissions dog and pony show) but what you may not realize is that you totally could have gotten into Stanford (or whatever.) Because while it is pretty tough to get into Stanford, it's actually not as tough as some other things you may have already done.

Such is the state of things that there is now more demand for a job at Wal-Mart than for a Stanford degree. Until the economy improves, this is not something we should even be joking about.

Unless you’re an automated bot (which, ironically, a computer science degree from Stanford probably helps with) scoring one of the 35 reservable seats at this perennial hot spot is an exercise in patience, persistence, and an insatiable desire for small, innovative plates. Have you eaten at State Bird Provisions (and sorry walk ins don’t count – that’s like getting in off the waitlist)? Then consider yourself in even more storied company than a Stanford undergrad.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably alive. If you’re alive, then congratulations! You, yes you, won the genetic lottery when that one special sperm met that one perfect egg to beat out 50 million other little swimmers for the right to become you. And it didn’t even require a $40 application fee.

Have you ever showed up at the bus stop at the precise moment your bus rolls around the corner? Me neither. But for those of you ninjas who have, then you are officially more skilled than the 2,210 teenagers who received a fat envelope from the prestigious Palo Alto school this spring.

Being a genius is so hard that by definition only 2% of people are eligible to be considered as such. You’re probably not a member of Mensa, but then neither are most Stanford students.

If you live in San Francisco and own a bike, then it will get stolen. If it doesn’t, then you have defied the impossible ... or you are a bike thief.

Housing in the San Francisco is the wooooooorst. But just like the college admissions process, all of your hard work – the relentless self promotion, unending paperwork and desperate emailing – is inevitably rewarded with a mediocre multi-bedroom apartment and living in constant fear of a stranger using your toothbrush. 

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