By Lauren Sloss

From haute cuisine to creative California fare, the Bay Area has delicious spots for every occasion. Of course, with great restaurants come strong opinions. In that regard, Yelp is the gift that keeps on giving. Don’t get me wrong — I appreciate and use the site regularly (though I really miss the “nearby” feature… anyone else?). But some of the reviews are light on helpful criticism and heavy on entertainment value.

Inspired by a recent roundup from Bon Appetit sourcing the 10 worst TripAdvisor reviews of the 10 best restaurants in the country, we dug through Yelp reviews for epic, angry gems about the top Bay Area restaurants. From terrible spelling to commentary on bowel movements (just, no!), here are the most ridiculous reviews of our best restaurants.

(Reviews have been condensed.)

flour + water

“The fact that we are secretly hoping to poop out the entrees should be all you need to know.  Paired with horrid, disco-y pop music and we feel insanely unstoked.” 

- Sam R., San Francisco CA

Bar Tartine 

“Sunday brunch.

Sometimes food karma hits me right between the eyes!  Whammo!

Whammo!  Make a reservation.  What was I thinking coming here without one???

Whammo!  The drought protocol is in place.  Water was scarce.

Whammo!  Disappointment.”

- Rebecca B., Sunnyvale, California



“EIGHT DISHES IN A ROW OF UNCOOKED FISH PARTS!!! If I wanted to eat sushi for $300 a plate I would go to a Japan!”

- Dustin R., San Francisco CA


French Laundry

“There was a kid playing with toys at a table at French Laundry. The food was very good and the service exceptional. It's just impossible to get past the ambiance killer of a child playing with toys at the table next to us. ”

- Matt G., San Francisco, CA


The Restaurant at Meadowood

“One of my big issues was the plates, don't get me wrong, eating off a rock is cool, but there was more than one occasion where I wanted to scrape off all the sauce on the plate and eat it but couldn't because the texture of the plate, that is a huge fail on them.”

- Chris G., Concord, CA


“We brought a bottle of champaign [sic] with us. We usually do that. It's normal. I drink only fine French champaign [sic]  and most of the restaurants don't have it on a menu or if they do they have a different year which I don't drink. I prefer Crystal 2005 and I wasn't sure if it is not on a menu or not, so I brought it with me. The corkage is usually 15-25$.[sic]  Not a big deal. So we opened the bottle. However, my glass was always empty ... (and my husband was the person who was pouring champaign [sic] for me ... But when they gave us a check we were astonished:  they charged us $75 corkage fee!!!!”

- Nataly M., San Francisco, CA

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