All the Things You Can't Do in the Mission

May 09 at 6am

By Madison Kotack

So you’ve been seduced by the Mission District’s unrivaled pairing of grit and hipster poshness? Sure, the Mission has the coolest bars, most eclectic shops, and some wicked restaurants, but there are some things you simply cannot do. Here’s a visual guide to what NOT to do in the Mission:

Oh, you thought you’d be able to drive to the Mission? Unless you’re a cop, postman, or garbage collector, street parking is the stuff of dreams.

The urge to smoke beside these toilet advertisements is almost irresistible, but you’ll have to refrain. This rule applies to most of the Mission, so hop on the techie bandwagon and grab some e-cigs.

Those beers you see people drinking in Dolores Park? Non-alcoholic.

So you aren’t a cop, postman, or garbage collector and you still drove to the Mission expecting a parking spot. Forewarning: these signs are connected for a reason.

Ouch. If you drove, the endless search for street parking has rendered you famished and thirsty. If you biked, well, you’re still screwed.

Dipping out of San Francisco’s surrounding fog and into the sunny Mission to walk your dog sounds like a great idea! You’ve got your service dog certification ready, right?

Some might call the Mission a PDA-free paradise.

All these rules are getting you down. You need to stop and take a breather — maybe a puff of your new e-cig. Don’t.

To be fair, there aren’t a lot of teenagers in San Francisco anyway.

In case you forgot.

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