By Jules Suzdaltsev
This Sunday marks everybody’s favorite substance abuse based marathon, “Bay to Breakers”, where thousands of recreational drug users ignore registration rules, dress up as garishly as possible, and run wild through the city. It's 4/20 meets the SF Marathon meets SantaCon, so if you’re not prepared for a 12K wearing a silly costume while the universe ebbs and flows around you, you might just want to stay home that day. For everyone else, here’s a guide to recovering from the post-run drug hangover you will invariably have, and some miscellaneous tips while we’re here.
Obviously this is the standard. Although the race officially prohibits bringing your own alcohol, there’s nothing to stop you from filling that CamelBak with premium craft beer, preferably something light, and offering around pulls of Cutty Sark from your disposable plastic flask.
Next morning: There is no way to stave this off. The doubled effects of dehydration will leave you feeling like you lost a boxing match where the loser has to eat a handful of sand. Obviously drink water and pop aspirin; you don’t need me here.
Go hard youngblood. Even if you’ve got that rare weed hangover the next day, roll up another joint to take the edge off. Maybe eat a pizza. You’ve got this.
Make sure you’re not opting for pure MDMA, or Molly, because without the amphetamine component of ecstasy, you’ll be left behind in the “oh my god this is so beautiful” SOMA, and end up cuddling with the guy who sleeps under the Audi dealership sign.
Next morning: You don’t know where the glitter covering every inch of you came from, but it doesn’t matter because nothing matters and we’re all going to die anyway so why not just kill yourself. An E hangover is called “Suicide Tuesday,” when your body is literally out of the chemical that makes you feel happy. Luckily, there’s a supplement that replenishes your serotonin, 5-HTP, so take it before and after you party for a brighter next morning. (Or, maybe don’t– in some people 5-HTP can have the opposite effect, making them severely depressed.)
First and foremost, this is a mistake, but you’re not going to listen to me, so go ahead and spend the day running away from every crazily dressed participant until you’re lost and alone on a bus headed into the Bayview wondering where it all went wrong.
Next morning: You’re going to wake up a little out of it, with a headache and that kind of nausea where you’re hungry and can’t eat. As your headache turns into a migraine throughout the day, you’ve got two choices: a) Wait it out b) Drop LSD? Acid has been used to help with , , and bad vibes, plus you weren’t going to do anything for the next 12 hours, so turn on, tune in, and drop out.
Make sure to DVR the run because you’ll fall asleep six minutes into your pre-game listening to Funkadelic’s Maggot Brain.