The Best/Worst Dad Jokes

Jun 13 at 10am

Depending on who you ask, dad jokes can be considered the highest form of humor or the most embarrassing memories of your childhood. To celebrate all the fathers who cracked a joke or two, and only the same joke or two, for years without stopping to ask if it was slowly killing their children inside, I asked readers to send in their dad's best/worst material. Here's the best of the worst.



Me: I'm hungry

Dad: You're Hungry? Nice to meet you hungry, I'm dad.


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Person 1: Knock knock. 

Person 2: Who's there?

Person 1: Interrupting owl.

Person 2: Interrupting owl...

Person 1 (quickly): WHO!


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Anyone: Did you get a haircut?

Dad: Nope! I got 'em all cut!


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What is an atom's favorite pick up line?

You have MASS appeal!


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Why is there a fence around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in.


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So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Hey, why the long face?"


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When my Dad has eaten everything on his plate at a restaurant he always asks the waitress if he can get that wrapped up to go.


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He tells the one about the three brothers who invented automotive air conditioning. Lo, Hi, and Max.


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Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they are ugly and they smell bad.


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To random people in public he says, "Have you heard about the new restaurant that opened on the moon?" *confused looks* "Great food, no atmosphere!"


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Where does the King keep his armies?

In his sleevies.


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What's the worst thing that Willie Nelson could tell you while you're giving him a blow job? 

“I'm not Willie Nelson.”


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Does your face hurt?  

Cause it's killing me! 

(Followed by goofy laughter)


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Do you know that Irish girl that stays out all night? Patti? Patti O' Furniture!


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Kid: Dad, what time is it?

Dad: (looks at where watch should be) Two freckles past a hair.


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An Army Soldier is telling his friends about his first time to jump out of a plane. He tells them that the door is wide open, wind is rushing in, and he's scared out of his mind. He says I'm too scared, I can't jump. His very large black sergeant walks over and says, "If you don't jump right now I'm going to fuck you in the ass!" His friends ask "so... did you jump?" He replies, "a little... at first..."


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Look at the cows. They're outstanding in their field. 


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What do you call a Camel with no hump?

Humphrey.


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What time is it when you need to go to the dentist? 

Tooth hurty.


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If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May flowers bring? 

Pilgrims!


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A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink. "Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something. "Dad you don't mea-" "Yes I do. You've earned it," says the father as he passes a copy of 1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition to the son. "Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored." "Hi honored," replies the father. "I'm dad."

Image Via Thinkstock

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