This morning, by 9 a.m., we expect offices around the city to be completely empty as we stop being a pinko-liberal-commie city for the length of a soccer game and focus all our fabulous San Francisco energy on helping USA WIN the game against Germany. The World Cup brings out a lot of things in people, and excuses to skip work to join the cause of drinking beer at breakfast is one of them. So below, a list of reasons to be in front of a television watching ESPN instead of at your place of work:

Because I have this note from,  you know, Jurgen Klinsmann.

He actually said I have the whole day off, but, you know, I don't want to be greedy.

I was delayed (in front of the giant TV screens) at Civic Center.

(Hint, hint)

I have a meeting with my personal trainer this morning.

He's helping me get the largest pythons in the world

My German friend is feeling weak, he's lost his heart eight times in the past already. 

I should really be there when he concedes it again today. 

Every other excuse people use in this city when they don't come to work.

I'm working from home/have a doctor's appointment/ate some bad street meat/drank from some bad taps/have to take my cat to the vet/am waiting for the cable guy to turn on my ESPN. 

Image via Thinkstock

Got a tip for The Bold Italic? Email us at