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10 Apps I Wish Existed

Wendy Steiner
 
Feb 21, 2013, 1:41pm

Yolo_skyI recently stumbled across the new app, Boatbound which the founder explains as an Airbnb for boats. As cool as it would be to rent a yacht, apps like Boatbound seem at least slightly less inventive since they are based off already successful app formulas. To be fair, sometimes tech reporters unfairly smack the label of "Yelp for Dating" on apps like Lulu because those kinds of comparisons require less mental effort, but the majority of apps do seem less novel.

Although I'm not sure if every Angry Birds requires a follow up like Bad Piggies, some spin-offs (Frasier) are way cooler than their predecessors (Cheers), I think some new takes on well-known apps have the potential to be awesome. I've always thought app ideas are like farts: everyone is fond of their own, but most of them stink. With that in mind, here are my top 10 fantasy knockoff apps:

1. Paypal for Sexual Favors

How many times have you won a bet and never received your rightful BJ? Online reminders could totally help.

2. Find My Exes

I don't really care about finding my friends. I really just want to know if my exes are within a five mile radius when I need to get my mustache waxed or when I generally look like complete shit.

3. IMDB for Amateur Porn

I know you can find some movies in the Adult genre, but how long do I have to wait for a more comprehensive database of horrible home movies? It would be so nice to be able to fact check rumors of high school friends' new careers with this.

4. Fruit Ninja with the faces of my enemies

There are a lot of people I want to cut. If this app existed, the streets would be safer for all of you.

5. Tumblr to be viewed in public

I've made the mistake of following too many NSFW tumblrs and now I can't really open the app in any shared space. After an especially awkward airplane ride, I would appreciate a version of Tumblr sans nipples that would be OK to browse on the bus.

6. Lyft for Piggyback Rides

Sometimes I just want someone with a pink mustache to come over and give me a piggyback ride to froyo. I didn't say I was a good person.

7. Twitter for Skywriting

There is a really bad joke about Cloud storage in here. I have no idea if flying in the shape of an at symbol will make pilots barf, but let's find out!

8. Draw Something: Cards Against Humanity style

If the game isn't going to give you any colors to work with, the subjects could at least be more entertaining. Now when I guess labia, people won't think I'm as weird.

9. Words with Friends with mandatory Snapchat reactions

I want to see your face when you see me get a double word bonus. I also want you to see my face when you play bullshit words like "xi." Shame on you.

10. Bejeweled with Fruit Gushers delivery

Bejeweled looks like Gushers to food-obsessed people like me. There are tons of delivery apps right now and I see no reason why a delivery for Gushers shouldn't be automatically ordered every time I start playing, or at least as a reward when I win. 

Let's get on this, San Francisco.

UPDATE:

Lyft for Piggy Back Rides was at SXSW.

Categories: Tech

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Authentic SF Mexican Food in Brooklyn?

Madeline Janning
 
Feb 20, 2013, 1:01pm

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Call us biased, but here at The Bold Italic we think that the West Coast is just better than the East Coast. There are those out there in NYC who will most likely disagree. But there is one thing we can all agree on – NYC don't know shit about Mexican food. 

Every one of my friends who has tried to make it out there in the big city has the same complaints: the alcohol and produce are outrageously expensive and most importantly, that there is not a darn good burrito to be found in any of the boroughs. New York may be one of the biggest and most lauded food cities in the world, but New Yorkers don't know the difference between carne asada and carnitas, they aren't capable of coaxing the deep flavors of chile verde out of their pork, and they probably think avocado can substitute for guacamole in a burrito (P.S. it cant.)

But there is one Brooklynite willing to put in the work to change all that. Pepe Urquijo, a documentary film maker, moved to Brooklyn, but he left his culinary heart in San Francisco. He missed his beloved Bay Area food offerings so much that he decided to recreate a San Francisco taqueriá in Brooklyn, an area widely known to be devoid of anything good in a tortilla. His burrito mission started with a taquero (burrito/taco chef) search. With the help of his West Coast friends, Pepe put up flyers all around the Mission looking for a chef to export to Brooklyn. Many people responded, but few filled his criteria of experience, authenticity, and willingness to move to the East Coast. Finally, he found Feliz, a chef of more than 15 years. Once Feliz arrived in NYC and showed his skills, everything fell into place. This Saturday marked the arrival of B’klyn Burro, "Mission Burritos from SF 4 BK."

So will B’klyn Burro be able to represent? They have some pretty big shoes to fill. I hope that B'klyn Burro will do SF justice and bring the Mission burrito magic to the East Coast. But hey, when it comes to Mexican food New York's palette is fairly unrefined. So, if they serve a warm tortilla actually wrapped in tinfoil, they are one step closer than what is currently being offered. 

Categories: The Mission, Food & Drink, Beyond SF

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The Homogenization of San Francisco

Charles Hurbert
 
Feb 20, 2013, 6:01am

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It hit me while watching that viral video of local stereotypes, “Shit San Franciscans Say,” that there’s currently a great divide between the ideas and values of new and old-school SF. I saw the humor in the parody’s astute observations of modern city life, the vignettes about the Dolores Park brown-bag picnic, the hour long waits for mediocre brunch, and the over-hyped fanaticism for food trucks. However, when one of the caricatures quipped, “Oh ... I don’t go to the Avenues,” a sense of anger and dismay came over me. The neighborhood of my childhood was being mocked as if it wasn’t a critical part of the city. Sure, the video was a passing meme filled with over-the-top satire, but at that moment I saw only the disparity between the memories of the city I desperately cling to and a vision of the modern urban utopia that many accept. Not only was my old neighborhood at odds with their concept of this city, but my concept of a culturally rich and diverse San Francisco didn’t seem to match the reality of what it’s actually becoming: an exclusive urban resort for a generation of affluent new arrivals.

Much has been written about the effects of gentrification, from both economic and the social standpoints. It comes as no surprise that many families and long-time residents have been priced out of the city by a high-demand rental market that lies out of reach for most low to middle-income residents. I’ve lost count as to the number of friends and family who have fled to the distant land of reasonable housing called Oakland, those who can no longer afford to live in the communities they serve as teachers, police, and administrators. However, aside from the loss of social and economic diversity, we’re also experiencing a startling loss of the cultural diversity that has long defined San Francisco.Pullquote_1

As a child, I experienced the city as a vibrant mix of communities. From the Avenues east, San Francisco boasted a rich mix of not only artists and free spirits, but also second and third generation families who had built lives for themselves among the distinctive and self-contained neighborhoods.

It wasn’t until the now infamous rise of the dot-com economy in the 1990s and the subsequent job market it spawned that I started noticing neighborhoods losing their unique character. While the influx of new capital was seen by many as a positive economic boon for business and skilled tech workers, for many working-class families and the businesses they frequented, it spelled the beginning of a long road of displacement. Neighborhoods like SOMA and Polk Gulch, which were largely undeveloped and served as refuge for underground music clubs and gay bars, were co-opted by investors hungry to expand their empire and exploit the tech set’s insatiable demand for chic ultra lounges, tapas joints, and wine bars city-wide.

In the Mission, which once served as a refuge for working-class families and those on the fringes of society, a relatively affluent generation of SF transplants began moving in and changing the face of long-standing communities. Under the guise of neighborhood improvements, beautification, or even crime-reduction, neighborhood and merchant associations formed to push for changes in zoning regulations and civic ordinances to support their efforts to cleanse the streets around them of elements they deemed undesirable. Latino-owned auto repair shops, book stores, and funky cafés all fell victim to this economically driven scourge.

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Over the course of the last 10 years, the efforts of these groups has had the desired effect of promoting one culturally accepted vision for the neighborhood while ignoring another. Where were the beautification/improvement projects when these communities were predominantly minority-owned?

Take a walk down Valencia Street today and you’ll find yourself waiting in line at a Disneyland of pop-culture opulence. Oblivious of the stark irony, graphic designers and marketing managers frequent $50/seat old-time barbershops and shop at retail boutiques obsessed with the rugged appeal of working-class fashion. Simultaneously, the actual businesses and experiences the proprietors are emulating are unable to compete in the increased rental market. What we’re left with are stage props and costumes in an increasingly detached culture of disingenuous, blue-collar nostalgia.Pullquote_2

These opportunistic businesses lean heavily on the ideals and values most would eagerly support: sustainable, locally sourced materials, detailed craftsmanship, and a commitment to quality. However, in the rush to join this lucrative and fast-growing movement, many overlook the greater implications of market-driven conformity on the overall diversity of a community. Rather than cater to neighbors and the existing communities they join, they seem intent on attracting patrons from outside the neighborhood, primarily those with the resources and cravings for their upscale offerings. The result is a negative feedback loop, wherein each successive wave of new business attracts an increasingly homogenous population who in turn demand more experiences suited for their specific cultural palate. And this pattern is occurring rapidly in neighborhoods like my own Western Addition, as well as in Bernal Heights and as far south as the Bayview. Measures are now being discussed in City Hall about how to temper this trend due to the speed and ferocity with which it’s been occurring.

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Sadly, the very diversity that attracts people to this city is now being threatened by the people it attracts. What we are now witnessing is the rubber band of white flight snapping, bringing with it the strip-mall formula of familiarity that most people who now call this home fled from. It doesn’t matter if it's Whole Foods, Blue Bottle, or a flock of mobile food trucks, gentrification in 2013 seems to be characterized by a stark cultural homogeneity that is leaving one neighborhood indistinguishable from the next.

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Many of the new arrivals I have met are oblivious of the changes the city is undergoing, and it’s completely understandable. They have no historical reference to draw from. To them, the abundance of upscale businesses has always been a part of their San Francisco experience. They see the independently owned, locally run merchants and relish in the stark differences from the corporatized America many hail from. I am in total agreement! Small business is a good thing. However, what newcomers lack is an understanding of the relative exclusivity of these establishments’ offerings.

Take a critical look around your neighborhood and gauge how friendly or hostile a raft of new retail and dining outlets might be to those of differing economic backgrounds. Are there restaurants that offer affordable meals that might be accessible to the seniors of our communities? Is it fair to inadvertently push them to the far reaches of the city? You see, if you let the free market dictate the identity of a community, those with money always come out on top. If we did away with rent control, most people I know wouldn’t be able to afford their current living situation. Furthermore, even if the slurry of new development reaches critical mass and the market can no longer support them all, the damage will already have been done, as traditional working-class mom and pop establishments disappear forever, along with their customer base.

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Look … San Francisco is the best place on earth and I understand why people flock here to build communities, start families, or just be themselves. But the magic of what makes this place so special is the juxtaposition of rich and poor, commercial and residential, the unorthodox and the conformist. It’s the proximity of nature just minutes away from an eclectic, urban city center. It’s the Alamo Square mansions two blocks from Section 8 public housing. This diversity of people and ideas is often heralded as the catalyst for our most lauded contributions to the world at large. To lose that diversity would be a travesty that would change not only the way this great city is viewed from a historical context, but the quality of life for us all.

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What needs to be understood is that gentrification is not simply an organic and natural evolution of urban communities, but a well-planned and concerted effort by business interests, developers, and the policy planners they fund to increase property value by what amounts to social gerrymandering aimed at making this entire city one big consumer block. My criticism of the changing cultural landscape of San Francisco is not about stifling small business or rejecting its clientele, but rather to build an awareness of the conditions that promote and support their success.

As evidenced in nature, variance is the key to sustaining healthy communities. And as we evolve and grow as a city, I implore everyone who loves San Francisco to consider the lasting value in not only retaining but also attracting a diverse mix of people and perspectives to this place we all call home.

Top illustration by Raven Keller.

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Categories: History, Neighborhoods

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Speakeasy Throws an Old-Timey Carnival for Kelly Malone

Jennifer Maerz
 
Feb 19, 2013, 3:00pm
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Designer/DIYer/writer/everything'r Kelly Malone has been so good to The Bold Italic. She upped the visual aesthetic of our two-story work space and has since gone on to some killer design projects for other folks, including recently redoing Speakeasy's taproom to look like a secret, romantically-lit bar. I love the look of the taproom, but more than that, I'm a big Kelly lover, so I was very sad when she told me she has to move back home for a bit to take care of some personal and family stuff. But if she has to leave for a while, at least she takes off in style. I mean, when does Kelly ever do something quiet and subtle? The woman is a constant explosion of ideas and collaborations ... as is her going away bash.

Speakeasy is hosting an awesome, "old-timey prohibition style carnival" on Saturday, Feb. 23 complete with kissing booth, carnival games, photo booth, food pop-ups, prizes, beer, more beer, bands, and so much more. Check out the Facebook page to stay updated. It's an excuse to hit a great local brewery, check out Kelly's outstanding design work (which she did with a talented crew of woodworkers and painters), and best of all, support the DIY queen herself. Funds from the party help pay for some of her medical bills while funding an excellent one-a-kind evening.

Photo of Kelly and her partner in woodworking crime, Nick Sass, by Myleen Hollero

Categories: Food & Drink

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What to Ask Yourself Before You Post a Viral Video

Wendy Steiner
 
Feb 19, 2013, 1:00pm
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As I wait patiently for the Harlem Shake craze to die (and be shot a few more times to make sure it's really dead), I'm a little annoyed by the number of lame and lazy imitation videos. I love the idea of something becoming an internet sensation and inspiring a bunch of nuns, sports teams, and/or frat boys to suddenly get weird on Youtube, but what's with the videos where people just don't seem that into it?

Last night I watched "The Harlem Shake [FUNNIEST ONES] Part 1" and was not impressed. My main beef is with the part in all caps. With as many Harlem Shake videos in existence as there are, I expect the funniest ones to make me pee at least a little. Still, this video has over 13M views. So, either the average Harlem Shake video is not that funny or I should take titles of Youtube videos way less seriously. Either way, I think there is a lot of room for improvement in copy-cat videos. Here is a list of questions to ask yourself before making one more half-assed viral video:

1. Do you know the dance? 

Learn it. Show some respect. I can remember a time when you didn't make a twerking video unless you could put your ass where your mouth is. Sometimes literally. Choreography isn't the place to get creative. That's what costumes and settings are for, duh.

The Harlem Shake formula couldn't be any easier. So, what's your excuse for not doing it right? And please, don't try too hard to make it sexy.

2. Are you intoxicated?

Cause you should be. Unless you have a job you're interested in keeping. If that's the case, maybe just volunteer as cameraman.

3. Do you have the supplies?

In today's DIY culture, low production value is pretty inexcusable. Go make the Dollar Store your bitch and get the appropriate sparkles to make your video stand out. Then grab a 30 rack. 

Please note: Supplies also include having enough friends so that your video doesn't totally depress me.

4. Is everyone on board?

Viral videos should only be made between consenting adults. Ok, sometimes animal ones are funny, but most of the time I just want to mercy kill your hamster. Or at least give them a treat.

Why do you think foreign prison videos are so damn good? Because the participants are literally dancing for their lives. I've seen too many videos (especially office versions) where some dude in the back decides this is finally the right moment in his life to be "different" and stands there doing nothing. Make sure anyone who's going to be in your video is actually down to get down or they are banished to helping with lights.

5. Is your place clean?

Clean your fucking room. Even if it is a frat house. Remember: people are always evaluating whether or not they will have sex with you based on how disgusting your futon is. 

6. Is it funny to someone who isn't in it?

This is a serious question. Once, you've made a video, don't feel like you have to share it with the world. Ask someone who isn't in it. If they laugh out of embarrassment and/or sympathy, this a good sign that posting it is a bad call.

Basically, try to be less like this:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/I3oZQnSfNG4

And more like this:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/-PZTw297DDk

Categories: How To/Guide, Tech

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