Welcome back to the grind. Let this year's gossip full of f-bombs and Biebs brighten your first work week of 2013.
If you didn't tune in to Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper bickering for the last few hours of 2012, maybe you watched the New Year's shitshow hosted by Jamie Kennedy for KDOC. It was jam packed with unbleeped cussing, racial slurs, and a countdown ten minutes early courtesy of super slurry Macy Gray. I never knew television could get this bad. (Laughing Squid)
Meanwhile, members of Congress were carted to the emergency room after what we working dogs consider an easy workday. Apparently after six or seven hours of slaving over the fiscal cliff deals some Congresspeople experienced "near-total physical meltdowns." Pathetic. (New Yorker)
Justin Bieber has also been hoping to change legislation after a paparazzo was killed by traffic in attempt to snap a shot of the 18 year-old superstar speeding in his Ferrari. Biebs wants more restrictions on the press. Even Miley Cyrus chirped in her two cents: "Hope this paparazzi/JB accident brings on some changes in '13 Paparazzi are dangerous! Wasn't Princess Di enough of a wake up call?!" (ABC News)
The teens of 2013 just got even more lethal. Two Placer County teens allegedly drugged their parents' milkshakes to get access to after-hours action on the Internet. (Sac Bee)
And now, it's time to serve your first good deed of 2013. Find this dirt bag, grab him by the ear, and march him down to the police station for he has committed a heinous crime. Not only did mug a woman for $5, but he killed a freaking puppy out of mere frustration. We cannot sleep until this puppy-killer is behind bars! (SFist)