I know breaking up with someone on Valentine's Day is frowned upon, but isn't staying with someone for 24 hours just to spare their feelings, or to get some lackluster obligatory sex, also bad? Maybe breaking up with someone on V-day could save them the embarrassment of surprising you in a Princess Leia costume only to get dumped a week later. If you tell them early enough, there might even be time to cancel your reservation at the pricey restaurant at which you were planning on having "the talk."
Another reason to break up (before, or) on V-Day: It's a day when their odds of meeting another person who is down to bone are temporarily inflated. You're almost doing them a favor to free them from your lame relationship. Even though I think it is possible to break up with someone this Thursday without going to hell, there are some ways you can make it better. Pick one of the following locations and get on with it already:
1. Strip Club
It's hard to stay mad at someone who bought you a lap dance. The lap dance is also a good distraction so you can make a quick sexit. Get extra singles because it's Valentine's Day and the dancers deserve (expect?) more than time and a half.
2. Sad Movie
This is a good option if you're breaking up with a crier. They can sob and get as puffy as they want and still leave the place looking about the same as the rest of the audience. If you're classy, you can buy them an Icee and some tissues.
3. A restaurant you want dibs on
After the break up, you're probably going to want to minimize the number of run-ins you have with your ex. So, if there's a Mexican place that you both like and you can't let go, you might want to consider ruining it for your significant other forever. I don't know about you, but I don't like to taste heartbreak when I'm eating chilaquiles. Extra bonus if the restaurant has a cute server to console you.
4. Somewhere far from either of the two bridges
5. Pillow fight
I like this option because it allows the dumpee to let out their anger and frustration in a healthy way – beating the shit out of a stranger who kind of looks like you with a pillow. This setting is also good for a break up because making a getaway is super easy. See you there!