(Start at :40, go bananas at :50 )
Yeah, that's right: sports.
Welcome to the first of a new thing for me, and The Bold Italic. Once a week, I'll cover the games you have to watch, the uniforms
you need to see, and the names you need to try to pronounce. All are welcome, regardless of whether your regard sports with willful ignorance, seasonal
indifference, or full-blown fanaticism. It's going to be really fun, especially if you like homilies to truly hideous tattoos and gratuitous pictures of puppies with Vontaze Burfict.
I think that's enough pandering to my base. Let's get started!
ONE. MORE. GAME.
After an insane overtime thriller last night—which: see above—the NBA Finals between the Miami Heat and the San Antonio Spurs will be going to a game seven Thursday night.
For fans, this is a dream scenario: the wildly-talented, mercurial Heat trading blows with the fundamentally-sound, always dependable Spurs. Both teams
have a big three at their cores: the Heat boasts the best player alive (LeBron James), Gabrielle Union's boo (Dwyane Wade), and a freakish lizard man (Chris
Bosh); Meanwhile the Spurs depend on a huge nerd (Tim Duncan), a French Lothario (Tony
Parker), and an Argentinian science teacher (Manu Ginobili). In non-basketball terms the Spurs versus the Heat is Leonardo versus Raphael, Cyclops versus
Wolverine, the geeks in Ski School versus the cool guys in Ski School. Game sevens are rare and amazing thing, so try to watch if you can.
Speaking of fun things to watch, hockey is also in the middle of a spectacularly captivating championship series. Going into tonight's game 4, the Boston
Bruins lead the Chicago Blackhawks 2 to 1, but that brief summary does not come close to explaining what's already happened. Game 1 was a TRIPLE OVERTIME
marathon, game 2 went to one overtime, and game three was pretty cool too. An important thing to remember: In the Stanley Cup playoffs, hockey overtimes are sudden
death, like World Cup soccer, so the first team to score wins immediately. That triple overtime game involved more than half an hour of holy shit-type
hovering over your seat. Also worth noting: Mike "Doc" Emrick, who does the play-by-play on TV, is insane and amazing. Rather than just say "pass" a
million times a game, he uses tons of alternates that range from "actual synonym for pass" to "say wha?" Deadspin
even made a Daft Punk remix out of them!
BASEBALL: STILL HAPPENING
It's true, professional baseball exists and is occurring on a near-daily basis. Our beloved, defending champion Giants are currently in a three-way race
for first place with Arizona and Colorado. Meanwhile, over in the American League, those scrappy Athletics of Oakland are in first place too. For those who
think Moneyball was just a movie, I'll just note that the Giants total payroll for the year is $142,180,333, while the A's are getting by on "just" $60,372,500.
The lesson, as always: great stuff is cheaper in Oakland.
DOWN GOES HONDURAS!
While the Heat and the Spurs were dominating the airwaves last night, the US Men's National Soccer Team was taking care of business in a World Cup
Qualifier. The Yanks beat Honduras' Los Catrachos 1-0 off a goal by the phenomenal striker Jozy Altidore, his fourth in as many games. This means our boys are well on their way to playing in the 2014 World Cup.
Let me know what you think about any of this — or other sports — in the comments. Break!