A Four-Year-Old Reviews State Bird Provisions (with her face)

Jun 12, 2013 at 6am

When James Beard declares your establishment the “Best New Restaurant in the Country,” it  becomes a review magnet. A quick Google search and you can find pages and pages detailing everything from the construction of the walls to the dimensions of the bill. But you know who doesn’t care about décor and can’t spell “eclectic”? A four-year-old. For our second installment of “Kids Review Food” we took Della Garcia (favorite food: candy) to State Bird Provisions to bring you the purest critique of the country’s best new restaurant. I guarantee this is the only review where you’ll find the good backed up with pinky swears and the bad confirmed with crying.  

After perusing the menu for a few minutes, Della realized why it was so difficult to come to a decision on her own.

Come on, you’re not going to get these kind of location-specific tasting notes from even the most refined culinary publication. Plus, good news for the gluten free: quench your carb thirst with a bit of salmon!       

Della met State Bird’s signature dish with a question: “Is it raw?” she asked, which is perhaps something we all should be asking our food establishments, if not explicitly confirmed.      

At first, Della was unimpressed with the presentation. “What is this? It got my sleedirty!”After tasting, though, she responded enthusiastically with her signature review: 

If you can take frantic, heartbreaking sobs as a critique, one can assume this was Della’s least favorite. One bite and she was toppling over the table for her rose soda in a sudden outburst of tears. For those who remember our first “Kid Food Review,” you’ll note that Desmond had a similar reaction to pork belly. 

                                        

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