1. I love this! How fun!
2. DIE IN A FIRE, WHERE IS THE RICHMOND? THIS AUTHOR IS THE WORST AND PROBABLY LIES TO CHILDREN IN DAY CARE CENTERS FOR SPORT.
And, hey, I messed up. San Francisco may be 7x7, but it turns out there are 19,429 different neighborhoods to discuss within those miles, and 398 more were just created while I wrote that last sentence. Turns out I missed a few in my roundup. I'm very sorry.
So. To fix that, here's a look at the best of the rest of “where you should move” if you are moving here, including a few huge omissions I made before.
If you're moving anywhere new, it's probably not a great idea to move to a place with the word “outer” in it. Just a heads up. Because that's what this is: way. the fuck. out there. Are you a hermit? Boom. Nailed it. Live here. It's practically a different city, though maybe that's your thing.
- A name that sounds mysterious.
- Sutro Baths aka automatic 30+ Instagram likes even if the photo is out of focus.
- Louis' restaurant, because only in SF is there diner food on a cliff.
- That “Pacific Ocean” thing.
- Pho! Dim Sum! More Pho! MORE DIM SUM! PHO INSIDE THE DIM SUM!
- Golden Gate Park, Central Park's hippie cousin.
- Fog. God. So much fog.
- The restaurant that someone is probably talking about that is so hot right now.
- The boutique that someone is probably talking about that is so hot right now.
- Traffic that has its own traffic.
- That one kinda sketchy guy from the Western Addition, staring at you. Yes. You.
Do you want to live in the Marina, but don't want to say you live in the Marina because then your friends and family think you're just partying all the time? Just say Cow Hollow. It's still basically the Marina, but a little classier. It's like partying hard, but with tons of Pinot Noir, bro.
- It's technically not the Marina, if that was your worry.
- Tons of cougars. So many cougars.
- It's totally still the Marina. Just go with it.
- Nick's Crispy Tacos. Have one and we'll talk after that.
- The perks of Polk Street without the perpetual “please don't stab me, sketchy guy” feelings.
- A lot of Fernet. Like, an unlimited supply of bars that offer Fernet.
- Some of the best local live music bars, like Red Devil Lounge and Hemlock.
- The occasional “watch out I might stab you” bum.
Are you a corporation? Do you live in office buildings? Weird questions, right? That's because no one lives here.
- Tall buildings you don't live in.
- The Transamerica building that no one lives in, but it looks neat.
- A Starbucks next to a Starbucks inside of a Starbucks. Who is planning this, Starbucks? There are too many here now. Move on.
It's cute the first time you go through this place. Then you realize you may suffocate on one of the 1,309,876 pink bags floating around next to the birds that are for sale that you can eat. No. Just…no.
- A surprising lack of good Chinese food.
- All of the pink plastic bags your heart has ever desired.
- Fireworks that are illegal, so just look at them and don't buy them and use them. Wink, wink.
- It's got a BART station – and it's pretty bum-free, to boot.
- It's got a farmers' market so you can check that cliché box off your list.
- I mean, that BART station is actually a pretty big win, new guy. You'll understand that more after living here for a bit. You're pretty far out there.
- Robert Redford's Sundance Kabuki Cinema for the snobbiest of film snobs.
- So many places to buy fancy greeting cards. Do we need this many greeting cards?
- A music venue that gives you a free concert poster every time you go.
- Racial diversity. You know. That thing a lot of other districts lack that we’re scared to talk about.
- People keep on saying it's the next “something something.” So, I dunno. Maybe it'll stick one of these days.
- It's not South San Francisco.
Speaking of which.
Just live in Daly City already.
I'm sure I missed a ton of neighborhoods again. And I'm okay with that. It's one of the best features of living in San Francisco.
You can't ever call us boring.