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Poop Delivery Service?! Yup, It's for Real

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Recently, a friend introduced me to the founders behind IPoopYou.com, an SF-based company that sends "high quality, farm raised, and eco-friendly, hand-picked animal poop" via snail mail. You can send the package to yourself or to anyone you choose, signed with your name or, even, anonymously. Apparently, business is booming for this dung delivery service. I asked Guillermo Sanchez, "Shit Executive" at IPoopYou, to explain more about what, exactly, the company is all about.

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Abby Wilcox: So let’s start with this question since I Poop You is such a novel idea. What exactly is a professional poop delivery service?

GS: Although it is funny, it’s not a joke. For the first time ever, people can send and receive grade A organic animal poop in the most classy way possible – neatly gift wrapped in a pretty little box. With the click of a button people can select the finest poop from Northern California. 

AW: How did this whole idea start? Was it a joke among friends?

GS: The idea has been always there. There are hundreds of reasons to send and thousands of people who deserve poop mailed to their doors. We believe that through humor, efficient and professional business practices, and ethical treatment of everybody in the equation (animal or otherwise), we are breaking taboos, allowing friends to share a whole new expression of feelings, and filling a niche that nobody had really conceived of yet.

And come on, sending flowers is so last year.  

AW: How would you describe your clients? A scorned lover, a sworn enemy, an off-the-wall prankster or your average joe?

GS: Our clients are awesome! All of them. I would say it’s just people like me and you… Folks able think out of the box and with a strong sense of humor. They really understand our message and through that they give their recipients an unforgettable surprise.  

AW: What’s the funniest reason someone has used your service?

GS: I couldn’t pick just one of them, they all are very special to me. One that I particularly liked was from a girl who sent our stinkiest poop to her boyfriend in respond to all his farting. 

AW: Where does the poop come from?

GS: Each and every poop is hand picked from local farms from the Bay Area and greater peninsula of Northern California, the mecca of slow food and organic agriculture.  

AW: You have poop specialties like “Cow Chocolate Pudding” and “Horse Spring Rolls”… What’s in a name?

GS: Every poop is different and they all have their own personality. Like a fine dining locavore restaurant, we are making sure that the descriptions match the quality of our product and the care that goes into...well...the "making", and...uh..."handling"...of it. 

AW: What’s your top seller?

GS: Cow or Pig I guess. 

AW: How do you package the poop?

GS: A special gift deserves a special packaging. Every poop will arrive at its destination in a beautiful gift box including a leak-proof container that keeps the aroma always fresh and smelly. You can also add a personalized card. 

AW: Is it legal to send poop in the mail?

GS: Yes. Otherwise we would not be doing it. Even though there are certain restrictions, that’s why our clients must accept our terms of use and privacy policy. You can learn about that at our legal page.  

AW: Do you find that many of your clients want to remain anonymous?

GS: Very few of them. The majority like to have their orders signed.

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Why Star Trek is as San Franciscan as Sourdough Bread

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(San Francisco’s first appearance in the Trek universe, in 1979’s Star Trek: The Motion Picture) 

Star Trek is known for boldly going where no one has gone before, but Star Trek Into Darkness, the franchise’s latest offering, spends about 50 of its 130 minutes in a place millions of us have already been: San Francisco. In Star Trek’s fictional universe, the city is home to Starfleet Headquarters – more or less the capital of the galaxy – and Captain Kirk and his successors have found reason to return to the Bay Area again and again in Trek’s nearly 50-year history. Here are a few reasons why San Francisco’s relationship with Star Trek can be expected to live long and prosper: 

Recognizability: Like the Statue of Liberty in Planet of the Apes, the Golden Gate Bridge tacitly situates our heroes on Earth, which is important since they’re usually somewhere else. There are a handful of landmarks that could do this job – the Eiffel Tower or the Great Wall of China, for example – but San Francisco’s distinct geography makes it recognizable from a bird’s (or a starship’s) eye view as well. Inland cities fail this test: at a certain altitude, it’s hard to distinguish Paris from Tulsa. The overhead view was used to great effect in J.J. Abrams’ 2009 reboot, when the villain launches a drill from space into the San Francisco Bay, just a stone’s throw off Fort Point. 

 Here’s the drill descending toward the peninsula:

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And here it is about to strike. Marin is up top; Golden Gate Park is just visible at bottom left.

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Cutting-edge technology: Silicon Valley didn’t exist when Star Trek first aired in 1966, but it’s no secret that the tech mecca has subsequently brought several Trek technologies into the real world – notably smartphones, tablets, and speech recognition software. Some programmers at Google even admitted recently that they’re consciously working to develop other specific Trek devices. 

Progressive culture: The United Nations’ founding charter was signed in San Francisco, and Star Trek's casts are famously diverse – both by the show's fictional standards (e.g., a Klingon serving alongside humans) and in the real world (where else on TV could you find a Russian, a Japanese man, an alien, a black woman, and a corn-fed white Iowan working together as equals in the 1960s?). The Bay Area is not exactly free of race- and class-based conflicts, but San Francisco’s reputation as an inclusive city fits Star Trek to a T. As it happens, the city made its first Trek appearance in 1979’s Star Trek: The Motion Picture, just a year after Harvey Milk took his seat on the Board of Supervisors. 

LGBT identity: Star Trek has encountered species with three genders, no genders, and those which swap genders over a lifetime. It has also explored male pregnancy and a society in which women are the historically dominant sex. Furthermore, in the future BART and Muni have been replaced by a mass-transit system delightfully named “Trans Francisco” – which also happens to be the name of a 2010 documentary about transgender people in the city. Here’s a train stop in the Mission:

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(Screengrab from the Star Trek: Voyager episode “Non Sequitur”

Shipbuilding: The U.S.S. Enterprise was built in a San Francisco shipyard, just like countless Navy vessels during World War II. Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry was well acquainted with this association, as he served as a pilot in the Army Air Corps, and crossed the Pacific in Navy vessels. (Legendary art director Matt Jefferies, who designed the original Enterprise and many of its iconic sets, was also a pilot in Europe and Africa during the war). And Star Trek's captains borrow many customs from the Navy, from their ranking system to the boatswain’s whistle ahead of ship-wide announcements to burying lost crewmen at space. 

Reasons why Starfleet should NOT be in San Francisco: Despite Star Trek’s abundant cultural ties to SF, even a non-Trekkie could think of a few reasons why Starfleet should have been built far away from the Bay. Recently I asked Alan Dean Foster, one of the writers of the first Trek movie, about this, and he had this to say: 

“Given the choice myself, I would have opted for a more geologically central and stable and more climatologically transparent location, with more room for expansion (assuming that real estate in the future will not be free for the taking). New Mexico, for example… where the Spaceship One/Virgin Galactic folks are operating from… 

 “On the other hand," he added, "the food in SF is better.”

Categories: Film, Only In SF

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Use This Flowchart Before You Trust Yelp

The entire city of San Francisco is about to get wasted on Sunday. Here are some important items you should consider before that seven miles of drunken stumbling: 

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If there's one thing SFers love, it's a scary interactive maps that reminds us about the potential dangers of living in (and affording) our beloved city. Based on theft data from the SF District Attorney's office, the IDG News Service put together this handy dandy interactive map of where all the cell phone and tablet thefts have taken place in the city over the past year. And just in case you are confronted with imminent theft, here are some tips on how not to fuck up your mugging. (InfoWorld)

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But while you still have your phone, you may want to consider downloading this free app. Buycott –  the work of one Los Angeles-based 26-year-old freelance programmer, Ivan Pardo – allows you to scan the barcode on any product to trace its ownership all the way to its top corporate parent company, including conglomerates like Koch Industries. Even better, if you have certain causes near and dear to your heart you can program the app to tell you whether or not the parent company supports gay marriage or opposes GMO labeling. (Forbes

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Photo by Gary Soup

The most bike friendly city in the nation ... is not San Francisco! Yes, the city that diligently celebrates Bike to Work Day, Bike-In Movies, and has thousands of commuters pedaling down Market St. everyday (thanks to our new bike barometer, we can actually quantify this) has been ousted from the top spot. So who's the new pedaling hot shot? Portland. (HuffPost SF

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Photo by twelves

Now we all know that this Sunday is Bay to Breakers – the lovely exhibition of booze and costumes that is sure to have your mind in a daze. But in case you'd rather spend your Sunday waiting around for Game of Thrones, SFist presented 15 signs that you're too old (and/or jaded) for the city's biggest play day. But in case you're roaring to go, print out a game board of our Bay to Breakers Bingo for a fun new way to get blotto. (SFist)

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Finally, in light of the amazing season finale of Kitchen Nightmare featuring those crazies in charge of Amy’s Baking Company Bakery Boutique & Bistro in Arizona, here's a nice infographic to decide whether or not you can trust those scheming Yelp Elite. Follow the paths of plausible scenarios to determine whether or not you should actually eat at a specific restaurant. (Wired

Categories: Civic Life, Tech

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Sponsored: SWOON Local Guy of the Day

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SWOON and The Bold Italic have found your SWOON local guys of the day. Meet our first guy, Dirk!

Name: Dirk Cason

Neighborhood: Richmond District

Gig: The Bold Italic Marketing/Sales Intern

What are you up to these days?

Outside of working at The Bold Italic, I spend my days cooking, working out, and searching for the best sandwich in the city. I love nothing more than to sit back on a nice Saturday afternoon and marinate/grill steak and veggies while drinking a beer and watching the Lakers play.

Where would you have your last meal on earth? 

I would love to have my last meal in Golden Gate Park. The natural beauty of the place has always astounded and amazed me. The meal itself would probably consist of a bevy of different dishes from restaurants including sandwiches from Parkside Market, crepes from Genki Crepes, and boba tea from Purple Cow. 

Who's your favorite quintessential local character?

Nate Thurmond. The guy was a hall of fame basketball player for the Warriors in the '60s and '70s and continues to be a big part of the front office. The fact that he still lives in San Francisco is also really cool, especially since he opened up Big Nate's BBQ after he retired in SOMA (now Cathead's BBQ). 

What's your favorite place to pick up women?

Usually I love to pick up women in liquor stores and mini marts at around midnight. But recently I've found that the Marina bars (Matrix, Eastside West, KT's) have a more diverse crowd. It's been a tad more expensive,  but totally worth it. 

Where's your go-to date place?

Hands down, Assab Eritrean on Geary. In a nutshell it's food you eat with your hands. The atmosphere is pretty low key and the food is incredible. The fact that it is finger food is a bit risky, but I've found that it lends itself to the date becoming more interesting and fun because women are caught a little off guard. 

What would you change about SF?

The traffic signs and lanes! Trying to explain driving in the city to someone who has never been here before can be a bit of a nightmare. 

Download Swoon on iOs or Android here.

Swoon finds cool people nearby who are interested in you and lets you chat if you like them, too. It's anonymous until you both like each other.

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Sac vs SF? Sure, Let's Do This

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Photo by bsterling                                                               Photo by Mr. Babyman

Sacramento Magazine published its long anticipated story Sac vs SF yesterday and we gotta say, LOL. Sacramento is awesome. I'll give you that. And yes, Lavender Heights is the best name for a gay neighborhood I've ever heard. But better than us? Better than San Franfuckingcisco? You're trippin, Sacramento.

I will concede all arguments about Sac being where a lot of our food comes from, better for conventions, and not dying in an earthquake, but regarding the important issues, here is a break down of why Sac's got nothing on us:

1. Sacramentans sounds stupid.

San Franciscans sounds awesome.

2. Bridge wars

I'm kind of surprised Sacramento would pick this fight. Who cares if the Golden Gate Bridge is "decidedly orange." Golden poppies aka the state flower are also orange and nobody has problems with those. And not to be a dick, but you realize we have TWO awesome bridges, right? And don't kid yourselves, size matters.

3. Ban Francisco is awesome

Having crazy bans and debates over them is something that makes this city great. If you can't stand the heat, get out of our undersized, overpriced kitchen.

4. Mayor 1 on 1 challenge

Everyone knows dance fights (not basketball games) are the only challenges that actually matter. I don't care how tall your mayor is. The real question is: Can he twerk?

5. River Cats vs Giants is not an OK comparison 

You don't compare major league and minor league game prices. Actually, just steer clear of comparing the Giants to anyone else ever.

6. Seasons are overrated

Someone (probably not Mark Twain, although everyone attributes him) once said, “The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco.” But how cool is it that?! Where's your epic seasonal quote, Sacramento?

7. About Sac having cheaper gas, private education, food, rent, sales tax, and Brazilian waxes

I only see this as a testament to San Francisco's X factor. I'm not talking about the magic spell within the city limits that draws ex lovers into each others' paths constantly, I'm talking about that thing about SF that makes all the money you bleed while living here worth it. I wouldn't wanna go broke anywhere else.

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