By Monica Miller
Next to Christmas, Thanksgiving has to be the biggest artificial stress-inducing holiday of all time. It’s a frantic kickoff to the season when lavish meals replace takeout boxes, holiday shoes give you massive blisters and your calendar is crammed tighter than an Ike’s sandwich. Over the years, I’ve developed an orphan Thanksgiving tradition to set the holidays off right. Born out of the idea that I was too broke, too busy or too stressed out to care about venturing home, SF became my magical deserted playground. The following are just some of the amazing things I’ve come to witness during my orphan Thanksgivings in the city:
1. Sleeping in
One of the worst things about spending the holiday with family is that—let’s face it—they expect you to be up early. And not just awake, not just present, but completely immersed in the holiday spirit. Mom, I love you. I do not love your 7:00 a.m. wake-up calls to prep stuffing. Thanksgiving is one of the only days each year that I get paid to do nothing and have the opportunity to sleep in.
2. Other orphans
I start blasting my social media accounts with the obligatory “So who’s in town for the holiday?” early in November. Getting responses may sound like trying to herd cats, but you’d be surprised by the number of people who stay in town due to work, lack of family or other situations. It’s prime time to reconnect with homies you haven’t seen in a while and enjoy the finer things SF has to offer. Such as the following:
3. Having a bar to yourself
Do you have a bar you go to regularly? If not, you should. And you know what? It will probably be open and serving and be your best holiday friend. This is the chance to sit down and build a sense of community with your neighbors — and get to know your bartenders really well, as they’re probably some of the coolest people hanging out in your ’hood.
4. Parks and beaches are all yours
One of my most memorable orphan Thanksgivings revolved around drinking tall cans, blasting Talking Heads and eating homemade turkey sandwiches at Dolores Park — all by myself. Another involved bike rides to the beach with other orphans after feasting our faces off. We started a bonfire, and not one other soul crossed our path. The lonely whimsy that surrounds these normally crowded places makes everything feel a bit more special.
5. Dim sum
Going out to dim sum is one of the best ways to pregame before your Thanksgiving. I am personally partial to City View (on Commercial in Chinatown), Yank Sing (Rincon Center) or Koi Palace (Daly City) for the table service. However, any bakery will do. Just make sure there is tea. And beer. Lots of beer.
6. The case for not cooking at all
Being gathered around the table together with friends is a lot of fucking work. Between gathering a menu, ordering a turkey, going back to the store at least three times (how the hell do you need more chicken broth?!), prebaking your desserts the day before, coordinating with everyone to make sure you’re not making five different kinds of stuffing … I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Go out for dinner. It’s not as sacrilege as you think, and you’ll have all the leftovers without any of the dishes. Hella Vegan Eats, Bi-Rite, Whole Foods, Golden Gate Meat Company, and a slew of others also offer takeout options, if being in your sweatpants is still a requirement.
7. Volunteering
As much as you should make this holiday a selfish pursuit, the underserved community of SF could always use a helping hand. Meals on Wheels and Project Open Hand provide fantastic programs that allow you to serve tasty food to those who are less fortunate. Best of all, most of these shifts end in the early afternoon, which still provides plenty of time for shenanigans.
8. Choosing your own adventure
Oftentimes with the holidays, we are consumed by the idea of not living up to everyone’s expectations. You’re terrified you’ll disappoint your mom, piss off your uncle, fight with your significant other or ruin the turkey. When you spend it alone in a deserted town that is known for exuberant enthusiasm toward the spontaneous, the possibilities are endless. Meaning: it doesn’t have to suck when you play by your own rules.
9. Tons of parking
All your neighbors have left the neighborhood, which means prime-time for getting a spot right in front of your place. Even better? Holiday parking enforcement — or lack thereof!
10. Deserted public transit
Sure, Muni may be on a holiday schedule. But at least it’s going to (a) show up on time due to lack of traffic and general SF madness; and (b) not be so full of people and bodily fluids that you’ll actually want to take it versus walking.
