Photo by ejporpin
Secret Santa is a pretty common form of workplace torture and I have had enough of it. Here are seven problems I see with this game.
1. People are no good at keeping secrets.
People are the worst. They ask someone for help getting so-and-so a present. Then so-and-so slips up and tells someone else and so on. It’s madness and there’s usually one person who gets off on knowing as many people’s secret Santas as possible. Watch out for those ones.
2. Budgets are hard.
The budgets for these gift exchanges are usually low to make sure no one has any excuse to get out of it. It can be pretty hard to buy something for $10 or less that isn’t a candy you kind of think they like or another freaking Starbucks gift card. If you pick something lame, the thought doesn’t really count since you were forced to have the thought by your office manager.
3. There’s a chance that you’re shopping for a person you hate.
You know Bob from accounting? Fuck Bob from accounting. Why should you have to buy him a fruitcake just because you drew his name out of a hat?
4. If you’re required to give a person a small gift every day for a week, that’s just cray.
Five gifts? Seriously? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
5. Some gifts highlight how little you know about a coworker.
Or how little they know about you. And it can be pretty depressing to come to the realization that the people you sit in the same room with every day don’t know that you like Star Wars and not Star Trek. Idiots.
6. Your gift will probably be judged against everyone else’s.
In many offices, the big reveal of who your Secret Santa is turns into an unspoken contest. Everyone watches what you give your person and equates your gift-giving abilities with your value as a person.
7. People cheat.
Shocking, I know, but it’s not unheard of for people to manipulate the “random” name drawing so that they get the boss or their friend. That turns the whole thing into a sham. A sham I say! I hate when people break the rules almost as much as I hate fruitcake.
