By Garrick Ramirez
A weekend escape to a local hot springs is a quintessential Northern California experience. Occupying a cosmic space between Napa and Black Rock Desert, the springs allow you to flee the city — and your clothes — and bliss out in warm mineral waters under a sea of stars.
But what if you’re a never nude? Can you enjoy the experience if — like Zach Braff and Arrested Development’s Tobias Fünke — you’re compelled to don a pair of tight jean cutoffs at all times? Because no matter what you’re hiding behind sexy fringed shorts, your largest organ is actually your skin and a mineral-laden soak in a hot springs is like freebasing a Thai massage.
Natural hot springs have been around for thousands of years, but most local resorts were founded during the heady days of ’60s counterculture and the ’70s New Age movement. As Eastern spirituality was embraced, clothes were abandoned. So here’s a candid rundown — open kimono, if you will — of prominent Northern California hot springs based on comfort level for never nudes.
Vichy Hot Springs// Ukiah
Vichy proprietor Gilbert Ashoff offered this empowering never nude mantra for hot springs resorts: “One is no closer to nirvana with or without a bathing suit.” Of course, the little guy on the cover of Nevermind didn’t think so, but point taken. Vichy requires bathing suits.
Vichy’s waters contain an extremely high mineral content and natural carbonation that set it apart from other springs. It’s what drew Ashoff here in the ’70s after a nine-month pilgrimage to seek out the West’s most beneficial drinking water. With a premium on health and a row of 161-year-old concrete tubs — equipped with original redwood plumbing! — the historic resort is reminiscent of The Road to Wellville.
The water is pure at the source and Ashoff encourages you to dip a drinking glass directly into the baths. If that feels uncomfortably similar to that toilet drinking fountain at the Exploratorium, Ashoff assures that soaking in the 90° F water will also absorb the potent mix of minerals and help realign your aura.
● Clothing-optional: No.
● Never nude comfort rating (1–5): 5 Jean Cutoffs.
● Food options: Overnight guests get a nice breakfast spread. Others can take advantage of downtown Ukiah’s nearby eateries.
● Rustic or chic: Early 20th century rustic.
● New Agey vibe (0–3): Ashoff swears they are a 0, but I’m giving them ½ Crystal rating because he used the word “aura.”
● What to do besides soak: Vichy is set within a 700-acre reserve with miles of trails. A 30-minute hike leads you to year-round Chemisal Falls whose water collects in a natural pool.
● X factor: Carbonated waters with super high mineral content that you can drink.
Indian Springs // Calistoga
Established in 1861, this wine country retreat is home to the state’s oldest continuously operated pool and spa facility. Its handsome grounds — full of palm trees, lawn games, and the kind of Mission Revival buildings that the early 20th century did so well — feel like a lazy Sunday at a Gatsby-era estate.
The resort sits on four geysers that fill its awesome, Olympic-sized mineral pool. It’s a family-friendly resort so expect to share the waters with the goggles and pool-ring set. There’s also a separate (non-mineral) pool confined to adults. Swimsuits are de rigueur so no one’s going au naturel. Just note that pools are reserved for hotel and spa guests only. Stay the night in one of the stylish new Geyser View rooms or book a signature mud bath that submerges you in a soothing mix of volcanic ash and warm mineral water.
● Clothing-optional: No.
● Never nude comfort (1–5): 5 Jean Cutoffs.
● Food options: Sam’s Social Club is a stylish new all-day restaurant with lounge and outdoor fire pit.
● Rustic or chic: Wine country chic.
● New Agey vibe (0–3): You’ll spy Eastern sculptures poking from the landscaping, but they have more in common with Pier 1 than Ram Dass: 0 Crystals.
● What to do besides soak: Get filthy in a volcanic mud bath.
● X factor: Indian Springs is the only spot on this list with craft cocktails and pork rillettes.
Esalen // Big Sur
There’s a question aimed at never nudes in the FAQs on Esalen’s website (right under Can I Bring My Stash?):
“Must I Get Naked?”
The response — “We encourage each individual to find their own edge between comfort and growth” — sounds like a nudge to ditch the jean shorts. Since 1962, the renowned retreat center has encouraged the realization of human potential through workshops, trademark massages, and hot spring-fed tubs perched gloriously above the Big Sur coast.
Access to the tubs is usually reserved for massage and workshop participants, but Esalen makes them available to the public each night between 1:00 a.m. and 3:00 a.m. (advance reservations are required). That’s good news for never nudes since your privacy will be cloaked in the Speedos of darkness.
A stunning tri-level structure designed by Mickey Muennig — the local architect best known for nearby Post Ranch Inn — houses individual and group tubs separated by quiet and silent areas. Most opt for quiet, so you’ll likely find solitude in the silent pool. Slink into a tub and marvel at a night sky bursting with stars and the sound of the crashing surf below.
● Clothing-optional: Yes.
● Never nude comfort rating (1–5): 2 Jean Cutoffs.
● Food options: Workshop and personal retreat participants receive three meals a day.
● Rustic or chic: The bath structure is modern. Overnight accommodations range from newly renovated private rooms to sleeping bags thrown down on the floors of inactive meeting rooms.
● New Agey vibe (0–3): 2 Crystals.
● What to do besides soak: Esalen is world-renowned for its workshops and massages.
● X factor: Oceanfront hot tubs with breathtaking views of the Big Sur coast.
Wilbur Hot Springs // Williams
Wilbur might offer never nudes the greatest opportunity for transformation. The place where you’ll show up in cutoffs and leave in only what the good goddess gave you. Naked bodies are significantly less interesting than the ultra-relaxed vibe here. A calming drive through scenic Capay Valley farmlands helps set the pace. By the time you reach Wilbur’s entrance gate, you’re already mentally nude.
Much is made of Wilbur’s silky, green-tinted waters. Regulars cite the presence of lithium as explanation of their magical, melting effect. Nudity is confined to the Fluminarium — an open-air barnlike structure sheltering three flumes of geothermal water — and its surrounding decks. Most guests wear bathrobes (bring your own) and disrobe only upon entering the water. When I made the case for swimsuits, a staff member recoiled as if I suggested squirting ketchup on steak.
While the Fluminarium is all about quiet contemplation, a spacious communal kitchen fosters a convivial social scene. Wilbur also hosts regular Guest Chef Weekends where a visiting chef prepares all meals for guests.
● Clothing-optional: Yes.
● Never nude comfort rating (1–5): 2 Jean Cutoffs.
● Food options: Communal kitchen with a spice rack that inspires envy in Wilbur’s peers.
● Rustic or chic: The 150-year old retreat is mostly weathered-wood rustic, but brand new, prefab cabins are totally modern.
● New Agey vibe (0–3): Small flourishes like a tree where you pin your written intentions and let them dance in the wind feel like 1 Crystal.
● What to do besides soak: Explore the natural surroundings and stumble upon a spouting geyser and an endangered bat cave. Communal areas include a ping-pong table, billiards, and (gulp) acoustic guitars.
● X factor: Lithium-laced waters and foodie haven.
Orr Hot Springs // Ukiah
An entirely nude resort founded on a former hippie commune doesn’t sound promising for the jean cutoff crowd. But this mellow Mendo retreat has got you covered, so to speak. In addition to standard communal tubs (where roughly 95% go full monty), Orr has five claw-foot hot tubs situated in individual, private rooms. There’s also two individual rooftop tubs that are the spot for nighttime stargazing.
Weekends fill with a young city crowd and Orr limits the number of guests to maintain a serene atmosphere. In fact, they initially asked not to be included in this piece to skirt the extra publicity. What that means for you? Make reservations well in advance.
● Clothing-optional: Yes.
● Never nude comfort rating (1–5): Nearly all guests go nude, but private hot tubs equal 3 Jean Cutoffs.
● Food options: Orr doesn’t sell or serve any food. There’s a communal kitchen and alcohol is allowed in all areas save the bathhouse.
● Rustic or chic: A rustic mix of rooms, yurts, cottages, and campsites. If you want something more modern, grab a yurt or rooms 14 and 15.
● New Agey vibe (0–3 Crystals): Like Indian Springs, the statues of Ganesha and Buddha are more decorative than dogmatic. Yet you’ll bump belly rings with plenty who think the waters have divine powers: 1 Crystal.
● What to do besides soak: Orr is two miles from Montgomery Woods State Reserve whose virgin redwoods are some of the tallest trees in the nation.
● X factor: Elvis the cat.
Tassajara// Carmel Valley
Tassajara is a serene, stripped-down sanctuary hidden within Big Sur’s Ventana Wilderness. It was the first Zen monastery established in the West, and for most of the year it’s a serious center for meditative study. Each summer the facilities are open — including the hot springs — to the public (and intrepid TBI staff). (See also photo, top of the page)
Because of proximity and seemingly shared values, I pictured Tassajara and Esalen playing softball and roasting tofu pups on the weekends. But while Esalen fosters dynamic group engagement, Tassajara is more about meditative solitude. Its Japanese-style bathhouse — which includes indoor and outdoor hot plunges, steam room, communal showers, and sundeck — is separated by gender, but women can join the men’s side after 8:30 p.m. Most bathers are nude, but you won’t be judged if you aren’t. The monastery’s practice speaks to how guests can honor one another and respect each other’s space. Which is to say: They’re cool with never nudes.
Tassajara — Spanish for “good place to dry meat” — is known for its exceptional vegetarian fare (the San Francisco Zen Center which runs Tassajara also owns Greens Restaurant at Fort Mason). So while you may not be chanting the sutras or waking to meditate each morning at 5:50 a.m., you’ll certainly enjoy the intention and mindfulness that informs each delicious meal.
● Clothing-optional: Yes.
● Never nude comfort rating (1–5): 2 Jean Cutoffs.
● Food options: Overnight guests receive three vegetarian meals a day.
● Rustic or chic: Like all good things Japanese, the center features smart, simple design.
● New Agey vibe (0–3): There are bells, bowing, and Buddhas rooted in Zen discipline: 1 Crystal.
● What to do besides soak: Take advantage of the numerous retreats and workshops offered. You can also hike to a gorgeous swimming hole.
● X factor: Japanese simplicity and killer vegetarian meals.
Harbin Hot Springs // Middletown
Beyond a dragon gate lies this beloved New Age stronghold tucked in the scenic foothills of the Clear Lake countryside. Spread over 5,000 acres, the village-like resort encompasses hot spring-fed pools, eateries, stone labyrinths, workshop space, and guest room domes that resemble something from Woody Allen’s Sleeper. It’s probably the crunchiest destination on this list. Eavesdrop at the pools and you’ll hear folks chatting chakras and mulling modalities.
Harbin offers numerous bodywork treatments, and Watsu (water shiatsu) is the Awesome Blossom of its healing arts menu: It’s patented, popular, and in need of a new promotional video. Like most massages, the recipient has the option of being unclothed. And file this under Seems Only Fair: You can request that your therapist is naked too!
Harbin may not be everyone’s cup of chai. It can get crowded on weekends and feel sceney at times. But for many (cough, Burners) it’s a warm, family-like community of like-minded spiritual seekers and self-expression. This inactive Twitter account from a past resident offers enjoyable insight into Harbin life.
● Clothing-optional: Yes.
● Never nude comfort rating (1–5): 1 Jean Cutoff.
● Food options: Full-service vegetarian restaurant, two cafes, an organic market, and communal kitchen. Alcohol is verboten.
● Rustic or chic: Rustic and comfortable in a crash-at-a-friend-of-a-friend’s-house kind of way.
● New Agey vibe (0–3): Being owned by the Heart Consciousness Church with workshops that include Radical Intimacy and Unconditional Dance will earn you 3 Glowing Crystals.
● What to do besides soak: There are a series of trails that snake through Harbin’s large acreage of undeveloped land.
● X factor: Watsu!
Images courtesy of Margo Moritz (Tassajra), Ali Kaukas (Esalen), Luiza Leite (Harbin), Micha Dunston (Orr), Meg Solaegui (Wilbur); Vichy and Indian Springs courtesy of the resorts.
