Are you ready to fall in love?
Well, that’s great, but I can’t help you. And — I hate to say it — no one can.
When I started writing this piece, I took it seriously. That was my first mistake. I mean, what do I know about helping others find their soul mates?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I’m single. Like, super-single. Like, a two-date, two-drink-maximum-before-I-decide-I’m-not-interested-and-that-the-poor-bastard-I’m-seeing-doesn’t-compare-to-my-previous-love kind of single.
That being said, when it comes to love, I’m a hopeless romantic. I believe in love at first sight and strive for that “meet cute” movie moment. Yet this same magical mind-set has also turned me into a cynic who scoffs at setups and goes out with guys already in a “meh” mind-set — the kind of cynic who would mock a story about “places to meet the love of your life,” let alone write it.
In my post-college dating life, I’ve discovered it’s generally the people in relationships who dole out advice on where to meet people. (What’s that saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions?) The thing is, when you have a partner yourself, it’s easier said than done. While I sincerely love that my friends and acquaintances have found love, since I’m the best bridesmaid ever, it sickens my soul a bit when they make suggestions or utter phrases like, “Love will come when you’re not looking for it,” “If you really wanted to meet someone, you would” or “Be open.” In the same conversation, I’ve been told not to settle but also not to be too picky. What kind of mixed message is that?
They say that those who can’t do, teach. So here are some places where you might get lucky and meet the love of your life. Maybe since it’s coming from someone who is actually single, you’ll throw up in your mouth a little less.
Online
“Have you tried online dating”? Yes, world, yes. However, I can’t help but hope that my happy ending — nay, beginning — will start with a swoon instead of a swipe.
Since moving to San Francisco, virtually (no pun intended) all my dates have been arranged online or via the latest craze in dating apps.
Dating is not just personal anymore; it’s business — from mother ships like eHarmony, Match.com OkCupid and JDate. For the socially sexually active, there’s Tinder and Grindr. And for people like me, who are hoping to be swiped off their feet, there are apps like Bumble and Hinge, along with others — so many others. Recently, two star-crossed college co-eds connected through the non-dating app Snapchat, and their love story unfolded for all to see. This is the world we live in.
The Grocery Store
Even my 93-year-old great-aunt refers to the Marina district Safeway as “Dateway,” and she’s been here since the 1940s, so there’s that. Also, I have swiped left on almost as many tiger pictures as I have profiles of guys saying they’d be willing to lie about meeting at a grocery store instead of online. (Awesome, a relationship built on lying.) If you’re embarrassed to be online-dating, then don’t; go loiter around the grocery store instead.
The Dog Park
I have literally been told that if I get a dog, I might meet someone at the dog park. Thanks, but I feel like this is the fur-baby equivalent of getting pregnant and hoping the guy will marry you.Why bring an innocent life (furry or not) into your dating mess?
In Line
I love the idea of saying you met someone “in line” instead of “online.” I think about this every time I’m scrolling through Instagram pictures of all my friends’ wedding and baby photos while in line at Trader Joe’s. Maybe I should look up?
On Your Commute
I met the love of my college life at a bus stop. I thought he was cute, offered him a piece of gum, asked him where he was from and figured I’d never see him again. Lucky for me, I was wrong; I did see him again. So if it worked for me that one time in my life, it will definitely work for you, right? You better go buy some gum.
Bars
Saying “we met online” today is the equivalent of saying “we met at a bar” 10 years ago. Bars still are a solid place to meet people. I’m not encouraging you to wash down your dating woes with whiskey or drink until they’re cute; I’m also not going to list a bunch of bars where you might meet people. A bar is a bar, folks. Cheers.
* * *
Conclusion: advising people on where to meet someone is about as ridiculous as a Dr. Seuss book. So you could meet them …
At a concert
While wearing your mom’s shirt
At the office looking flawless
Looking tawdry while doing laundry
Through mutual friends
On a hike at Lands End
While cruising Main or on a plane
Where you meet them — it’s all the same
I hate to say it, but the right person might never come into your life. But if they do show up, there is nothing you can do about it. You can’t make them arrive sooner by doing anything other than enjoying your life right now.
