Working in the food industry, I need to be knowledgeable about all nosh. And while I know my crab cakes and my cocktails, I am often utterly lost when it comes to the sweet stuff. Recently all of that changed when I wandered into Chocolate Covered and met Jack Epstein, a chocolatier whose Noe Valley shop reveals an obsession for both exotic and local chocolates (he’s said to have the largest selection in the city).
A newly confident chocolate connoisseur, I present you with a guide to some of the most unique chocolates in the store, curated with Jack’s guidance. Gym membership to work off your new obsession not included.
Chocolate Covered’s best selling item, Jack claims that this stuff will “put crack outta business.” This is maybe one of the more exciting things you’ll ever feed your sweet tooth. The simultaneous crunch of pistachios, kick of chile, and silky sweet flavor of dark chocolate serves as a ringing alarm for the taste buds. Really, it’s no wonder that 40 pounds of the stuff is sold each month.
If I were to work for any chocolate company in the world, it would probably be this one, and not only because it’s based in Hawaii. “It’s a bean to bar company,” Jack explains to me, “which means they process their own cocoa beans instead of working with premade chocolate.” Madre uses coconut milk in its bars, making them a hippie’s dream by being not only vegan, but organic, fair trade, and soy-free.
Everyone wants a taste of the exotic, and it seems to me that you can’t get much more foreign than camel’s milk chocolate. “I was the first in the U.S. to carry this chocolate,” Jack proudly tells me. “To this day there are only two or three other stores that have it.” Camel’s milk is rumored to have healing powers — do you need a better excuse to take your palate on a vacation to the Middle East?
“Salt plus chocolate,” Jack explains to me, “has become huge in the past few years.” This San Francisco–based company does the salty-sweet combo so well that Jack claims, “You give this chocolate to people and they’ll name their kids after you.” On a totally unrelated note, 74 percent of all babies born in SF in the past couple of years have been named Jack. (Well, it could be true!)
I had no idea you could make old-fashioned fudge even better, but it turns out you can –just coat it with a chocolate shell. Jack has been selling John Kelly’s confections all 17 years that the shop has been open. He discovered these gold-wrapped treats after a tip from his partner’s sister, who owned a beauty parlor in West Hollywood next to John Kelly’s chocolate factory and quickly became enamored.
I dare you to picture these Spanish bonbons without your mouth watering. Young figs are filled with a mousse made of dark chocolate and brandy and then hand dipped in rich dark chocolate. It’s perhaps the best synthesis of fruit, chocolate, and booze that has ever been created. “We often have people who buy one, walk out the door and immediately walk back in and buy four,” Jack says with a smile. I bought six.
These aqua-wrapped delicacies are instantly eye-catching, but Jack tells me they evoke a wary response from many a customer. Though you might turn up your nose at the idea of a union between stinky cheese and chocolate, I will tell you that these things are surprisingly good. Lillie Belle uses award-winning Rogue Creamery’s Smoked Oregon Blue, which won Best Blue Cheese in the World at the World Cheese awards in 2004 and 2005 (yes, the World Cheese Awards do actually exist).
If I was skeptical about the combination of chocolate and blue cheese, I was even more skeptical about bacon and chocolate. Apparently I’ve been living under a rock. “Everybody’s putting bacon in everything these days,” Jack tells me. “It’s everywhere in the food world. Chocolate included. This is the most sold bar in my store.” After taking a bite, I could learn to jive with bacon and chocolate, just don’t ask me to get behind chicken or salmon.
By far the prettiest chocolates in the store, the names of these truffles sound more like a vacation or a cocktail than a bite-size piece of cacao bliss — there’s Treasure Island, Key Largo, The Dutch Treat, Café Diablo, and Black Tulip. “The main chef Willem DeGroot is a former monk,” Jack reveals. “He gave that up to make chocolates, and we’ve been selling his stuff for 16 years now.” Amen to that.
In this day and age, luxury is more unavailable than ever. Afford premier champagne? Caviar? Truffles? Out of the question for most of us. But the most expensive chocolate bar? “That’s a little bit more feasible, and makes a great present,” says Jack. You’d be surprised at how many of these we sell.” Meet this Tuscan chocolate bar, made from the rare porcelana strain of criollo bean (only 3,000 kilos are produced a year) — and a 50 gram bar can be yours for a mere $20.
Part of the raw food movement? Never fear, Fearless Chocolate is here! These Oakland-based folks “adhere to meticulously controlled heat levels in order to preserve enzymatic activity and cellular integrity for optimal nutrition,” according to their website. “These guys over in Oakland just make really great quality stuff,” affirms Jack. Don’t be alarmed if your bar has a bite taken out of it — that’s just how they do it over in Oak-town.
If I had any lingering doubts about bacon in sweets, this little number banished those forever. Father-daughter team Vince and Celeste work together in nearby Campbell to produce a variety of bars and confections. “In this one they blend the bacon fat into the caramel,” Jack tells me, “and then put that in their own bean to bar chocolate.” These are the kind of treats that are almost too good to be true.
“Chuao is a premier cocoa growing region in Venezuela — that’s where this company got their name,” Jack instructs. Next time you cozy up with a mug of hot chocolate by the fire, think about the fact that you are following in the footsteps of the ancient Mayans, who drank massive quantities of the stuff. Chuao’s mix is more similar to the drink Montezuma sipped than the overly sweet mixes by big brands. Spicy Maya has pasilla chile, cayenne pepper, and cinnamon. “A couple of customers tell me that their loved ones will say ‘go out and get some, and don’t come back without it.’”
I know what you’re thinking: I still want more ways to ingest chocolate. Why not try some at high tea with a cucumber sandwich? Tisano was the first to brew the cacao bean shells, which are high in magnesium, potassium, and vitamin D. “We’re not getting anymore in the foreseeable future,” Jack says, “and there are only five tins left.” What are you waiting for?
To satisfy your sweet tooth, make your way to Chocolate Covered in Noe Valley at 4069 24th Street. Jack and the other employees are enthusiastic about helping you find that perfect bite for you, your honey, your grandma, or whoever. And to top it all off, you can tuck ’em into one of Jack’s lovingly made San Francisco tins to make your gift extra personal and special.
