When I first read the novel Ecotopia by Ernest Callenbach in the late 1970s, I was enthralled by its realignment of America’s political geography. The story is told by a journalist in 1999 — a year that once seemed impossibly distant — and involves Northern California, Oregon, and Washington forming their own country with its own social rules (including a health system for all citizens), locally focused government, a strong sense of environmental sustainability, and some very cool technology to keep the rest of the U.S. at bay.
Now, with the current coronavirus crisis, regionalism is ascendant again. California Governor Gavin Newsom frequently refers to California as a nation-state. Oregon and Washington — each with its own complementary coastal culture and environmental ethic — align perfectly with the Left Coast’s ocean-facing predisposition to openness and diversity. All three states also share yeasty histories, enriched by pioneers and risk-takers, and rooted in bountiful lands exposed to natural calamity, from earthquakes and fires to droughts, floods, and volcanic eruptions. No wonder that this like-minded trio has now formed a policy alliance that aims to coordinate the West Coast’s response to the threat of the coronavirus.
Sign-up for The Bold Italic newsletter to get the best content about life in the Bay Area in your inbox every week. What could go wrong?
Not everyone approves of these affinities, of course. Secessionists in California’s Central Valley, the I-hate-Sacramento zealots of the northeast counties, the Greater Idaho advocates of eastern Oregon, and the proud Palouse cheerleaders of eastern Washington often condemn or deride their so-called “coastal elites.”
But for purposes of the exercise we’re about to undertake, let’s put this kind of separatism aside and assume that after the would-be king in the Versailles house decides to suspend the Constitution, the enlightened citizens of our three states secede from the Dis-Union and rename themselves as a new country.
What name would they choose? Here are some of my ideas. I’m sure you’ll have some of your own. Join in the exercise and put your proposed national titles — and a one- or two-sentence explanation — in the comments below.
Ecotopia
Well, the name seems a bit outdated now, but let’s give Callenbach credit for having come up with the idea nearly a half-century ago. We’re probably too cynical to believe in utopias anymore. However, Ecotopia is still a resonant moniker that some overpriced naming agency would undoubtedly suggest, claiming it’s original since anyone over 45 who might remember differently is not an influencer and no longer worth caring about.
Columbia
This majestic river forms the border between Oregon and Washington and has enormous historical and economic significance. It also has great spiritual importance in the Native American culture of the region, not to mention being a source of food, water, and, more controversially, hydroelectric power. The immediate problem with naming our hypothetical nation Columbia is the potential confusion with its homonym, the South American country of Colombia. Maybe Columbiana? But that’s the Spanish adjective for a woman from Colombia, and it might sound too much like Indiana, which is a world away in every respect from the Columbia Basin.
Rainier
Most Washington state residents choose not to acknowledge that their state was part of the Oregon Territory for five years. But that small point of regional friction aside, we have to respect that as the second highest peak in the contiguous U.S., Washington’s Mount Rainier offers a very suitable naming possibility. The downside is that the more geographically challenged might think the name has something to do with the weather and mispronounce it as “Rain-E-er.” (The correct pronunciation is “ray-near.”) That Mount Rainier might also blow its top one day is another consideration. For now, though, it stands as a powerful symbol of the West Coast’s volcanic innovation.
Cascadia
If we’re going to tip our hats to Mount Rainier, we shouldn’t forget the majestic Cascade Range that encompasses all three states. Cascadia might sound too much like Canada for some. And there’s already Cascadia, Oregon, not to mention two towns in California, Arcadia and Arcata, that are soundalikes. Still, the name seems appropriate for a new country proud of its natural beauty and one — if Ecotopia is the model — devoted to environmental sustainability in all its forms.
Woregonia, Calwashore, Orcalton
Everybody loves word games, so let’s get creative and fuse all the likely letter combinations in our three-state, syllabic stew. Note to namers: Acronyms such as WOC, COW, OCW, WCO are DOA. How about Toncalo? It sounds vaguely Mediterranean. Or Wregia? Straight from Game of Thrones. Or Calgonwa? A bow to Native America. How about combining the names of the three state capitals? Great idea. Lemsacpia? Olysalsac? On second thought, no.
Pacifica
I apologize to the residents of the existing Bay Area town of Pacifica, but we might need to steal your name and apply it to our new entity. All three states border the Pacific Ocean, after all, and choosing a name that avoids regional biases seems wise. It also cements what would be a departure from the East Coast’s understandable relationship with the Atlantic and Europe, while signaling our closer alliance with Asia. What would we give the town of Pacifica in return? A new name. How about Gracious?
Bezosville. Gatesland. Novakia. Didionia.
The problem with naming a new country after a famous resident is that it stirs up a lot of resentment and even worse naming possibilities. Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates, some might argue, are already stateless. And who knew actors Kim Novak and Sam Elliott were from Oregon? California claims writer Joan Didion and photographer Ansel Adams and many others. Our new country is not a university building or a museum wing, so let’s all agree to ban such donor-driven naming opportunities, though Elon Musk would undoubtedly try for it.
America
Given that our three states wouldn’t secede from America if America hadn’t lost its way, why not reclaim the name, burnish it, and restore the American reputation? West America doesn’t have the same gravitas. The Western States of America conjures the Confederacy. What would they call us? Westies? Wonderful dogs, but not a suitable label for our proud citizens. Northwest America is out too, particularly since Southern Californians would rightfully object. Indeed, the original Ecotopia didn’t include southern California at all. I’m not going to argue that point here, other than to say I insist that if the new national boundary is indeed shortened, it must at least include San Luis Obispo County. We want Hearst Castle!
