Like most of us, Bay Area sex and relationship coach Megan Paige first learned about sex from friends and during awkward middle-school health classes. You remember the ones: your teacher blew up a condom like a balloon and too thoroughly enunciated the word “men-stru-a-tion” while you giggled in the corner and wondered if the boy next to you had a boner. Unlike most of us, she went on to become a sex and relationship coach, teaching people to demystify pleasure in their bodies and help them live the life they truly desire.
I have a Catholic-guilt complex that reached its peak last year when I needed to purchase the morning-after pill from Walgreens on the morning of Easter Sunday (sorry, Mom). Birds do it; bees do it; your upstairs neighbors do it to marching-band music; you do it. OK, everyone does it in San Francisco, one of the most sex-positive cities in the world. But the stress of living here and the city’s obsession with tech can affect one’s sex life. If you’ve ever thought about trying out a sex therapist but your bank account won’t let you, or you’re just curious about what it’s like to be one here, look no further. We got the scoop from Megan.
First, she says that anyone who wants to improve their sex or dating life in an exciting and fun way should feel welcome to see a sex and relationship coach or a sex therapist. She works with couples and singles of all genders and sexualities, and specializes in helping men become better lovers. Her coaching approach is hands-on and interactive.
“Clients find the honest feedback I offer about how it feels to be in connection with them and the exercises where we practice touch, role-play and escalation, and play with our arousal curve to be a game changer. This is where the real and lasting change occurs,” she says.
In her approach, she combines Somatica® and Hakomi teachings with the core yogic principle of breath. She also uses her background in counseling and tech education, role-play, real-time experiences and dance.
I was curious about how living in the Bay Area might affect her client base and envisioned what the hours of coaching engineers and other tech folks must be like. Has she ever had to tell someone not to fly their drone during sex? However, Megan revealed that because we live in the tech capital of the US, she finds that part of her work includes exploring clients’ relationship to technology — whether it involves time spent on social media, pornography, perceptions of what lovers want/expect or swiping dating profiles.
“I believe we can have healthier relationships with ourselves, our lovers and technology. Some clients get stuck in the online dating scene and have little to no pleasure or success,” she says.
When people pay a visit to her office looking to improve their sex lives, she first encourages them to focus more on their bodies. Often, she says, her clients are in their heads when it comes to sex and dating, and the simple act of slowing down can improve pleasure and awareness.
“The body knows what it wants, and if you can drop into your body, sexual situations flow more comfortably. Life can be so busy, and to experience erotic pleasure, you must slow down and take your time getting to know yourself and your lover(s). When you slow down your breath, you learn to identify and recognize what your body—and your lover’s—is truly craving,” she says.
What’s the takeaway? Technology can easily impact our sex lives, so it might be a good idea to minimize your screen time before having sex. Megan also says to focus on the breath during sex, and to pay attention to your body, to feel more pleasure.
“No one becomes an amazing lover overnight. It takes time, so get curious, be in the moment, breathe deeply and practice telling your partner what you want and how you’re feeling,” she says.
