Someone dropped a meme in the comments last week that I've seen before, mostly on X. Two stick figures, mid-karate brawl. One is painted in stars and stripes, labeled JULY, throwing a roundhouse kick. The other is a rainbow man, labeled June, sailing backward. The joke tells itself:
Pride is over, everyone; put the rainbow away, get the flags back out, and let's go back to celebrating this country the normal, wholesome, heterosexual way.
Many of my progressive friends have stopped wanting to celebrate the country at all. The flag has felt like it belongs to the other team. But I would like to do the exact opposite. The country turns 250 this year, and the fireworks are going off the Golden Gate Bridge for only the third time in nearly a century. We should be having fun with that, too.
So this year, let's make July 4th gay again. Here are some ways to do it:
Option 1: Leave Town
We have a gay beach weekend if that's what you're looking for. Guerneville has been the Bay Area's homosexual getaway since roughly the Ford administration.
Guerneville is the Fire Island of the Bay Area. The Rainbow Cattle Company has been pouring drinks for gay weekenders since before many of us were card-carrying homosexuals. Book the Highlands Resort for the pool or the R3 Hotel for the location, if you can get a room. I've been trying to staycation there for awhile and they book up fast.
The above photo was taken at a campsite down the street from R3. I hope its bathrooms have improved since I last visited in 2015.
On the Fourth itself, downtown Guerneville hosts its First Saturday Art Walk from 4 to 7 p.m. And if you can hold out three weeks, Lazy Bear Week hits its 30th anniversary at the end of July. Which is sort of like Pride but with a river, and a lot more flannel and body hair.
Option 2: Stay in SF. Just also go out
Listen I'm not going to practice this one. We got a home in Forest Hill last year, so now I barbecue and chill. I also want to note upfront that July 4th tends to be overcast and there are no fireworks to see. But hey, why not give it a shot anyway?
For only the third time in almost a century, the Fourth of July show launches from the Golden Gate Bridge itself, in honor of the 250th. It is free, it starts around 9:30 p.m., and it lasts about twenty minutes. Watch from Crissy Field, Marina Green, Pier 39, or the northern Embarcadero.
I've actually tried New Years fireworks at the Ferry Building, which went better than expected even though it was completely freezing outside. Apparently though, the city has told people to stay away from there, because you will see fog. And that sounds about right.
The Bold Italic
Saul Sugarman
The city booked a drag queen to host America's birthday
The free, all-ages block party on 2nd Street, running from Market to Howard, is marking the 250th with a variety show hosted by Peaches Christ, plus burlesque, a hot-dog-eating contest, a fashion show, and a DJ. We actually covered this event before!
The Fillmore Jazz Festival takes over the historic Fillmore for two days this weekend
This is free and open and enormous. And it's also in a neighborhood whose Black cultural history deserves the whole holiday.
Option 3: Be gay in your own yard. Or apartment.
As I said, this is always my favorite option. It's pretty cheap. Cook your own vegetarian or meat options. I haven't had a grill until just now but I used to bake ribs a lot. Pull out the sparklers even if they violate some CC&R or city regulation. Just don't burn anything down. Some other ideas:
Host a tea dance. In 1966, when gay men were forbidden by law from dancing together, they gathered at the Blue Whale on Fire Island in the late afternoon and danced anyway. You can honor sixty years of that with a Bluetooth speaker, a 5 p.m. start time, and a strict no-sitting policy. Low Tea, High Tea, and, once the neighbors call, Contempt of Court Tea.
Robert Bonanno
Invade your own cul-de-sac. The Invasion of the Pines began in 1976 as a protest: a drag queen named Teri Warren was refused service at a restaurant, so a boatload of queens sailed over in full drag in solidarity, led by a Homecoming Queen named Panzi. Fifty years later it draws thousands. You have a sidewalk and a pair of heels you have been saving. The invasion can be a party of one; the tradition started with fewer people than you would think.
Contributors to Wikimedia projects
And TBH we have kids in my Forest Hill community. KIDDDDS, everyone. I'm going to have to tolerate their screaming this weekend like it's totally normal. This is always my favorite time to bust out a huge ballgown and remind everyone that sometimes, little Tommy has two mommies. (Or two daddies.)
Build a pool. You can do it with a nineteen-dollar inflatable from the hardware store on Ocean Ave and a garden hose. I know SF Oasis loves a good "pool party" like this for Pride.
And if all else fails, just remember
Independence was always a queer birthday too. We just tend to celebrate it a few weeks early, in June, with better outfits.
Saul Sugarman is editor-in-chief and owner of The Bold Italic.
The Bold Italic is a not-for-profit media organization, and we publish first-person perspectives about San Francisco and the Bay Area. We operate under a fiscal sponsorship of a 501(c)(3).
You can become a paid subscriber. Or donate. Or learn more about us.
Introducing The Bold Italic games
Well, game; I'm still building them. This one's a lot like Schmandy Smush but with San Francisco iconography. I call it Fog City Frenzy. I thought about doing a Drag Bingo, but who plays Bingo on the internet??? Then I thought maybe Butch Queen Trivia where it's an illustrated version of me in a dress giving you San Francisco facts. Or maybe two truths and a lie.
You don't have to install anything for these games, or sign up. Would a Bold Italic app benefit anyone? You tell me.
Obviously there's going to be a crossword soon. But I'm more interested in the SF flavored, quirky, and probably somewhat gay. You can see the games page here but there's not much on it. Yet.
