When it comes to online dating, I seemed to have missed the boat. I met my boyfriend of six years back in college, when getting obnoxiously drunk was by far the easiest way to build up the courage to ask someone out.
Meanwhile, technology has created a new way for people to build relationships. Facebook might let you playfully poke someone, but Tinder allows you to send a dick pic with a Hawaiian-themed backdrop and the words “somewhere over the rainbow.” I started to wonder if this was a Bay Area thing or if people who use these dating apps had different experiences depending on where they lived. Would a West Coaster approach an app like Bumble differently from how an East Coaster would?
I asked friends and acquaintances on both coasts how they use these apps to see if living on one coast versus the other ultimately makes any difference. Here are actual quotes, from Massachusetts to California.
Which App?
East Coast
Female, late 20s: “I like Bumble. I’ve found that since [women] have to make the first move, you don’t get those aggressive messages from random people. Having to be the one to reach out first … once you get past the awkwardness, it’s cool.
West Coast
Female, early 20s: “Bumble has the hottest guys but the least follow-through in my opinion. I’ve heard that the League is good because it’s more filtered, and you’re only shown successful people. I think it’s a tie between those two.”
The Hookup or the Relationship?
East Coast
Female, mid-20s: “I think on the East Coast it’s pretty back and forth. I’d say that most of my dating-app experiences have resulted in hookups, but that’s not to say I haven’t received plenty of opportunities for relationships.”
West Coast
Female, mid 20s: “I met my girlfriend on Tinder. I think that dating apps work better for lesbians because there are less creeps on it compared to when straight people use it. But before I met my girlfriend, I definitely used it for hookups.”
The Dating Profile: What Do You Look For?
East Coast
Male, mid-20s: “BODY SHOT, BODY SHOT, BODY SHOT.”
West Coast
Male, early 20s: “Someone down to earth that doesn’t look like they’ll stalk me.”
Dating-Profile Turnoffs
East Coast
Male, mid-20s: “Girls that have all group pics. Especially when there’s a hot girl in the group. Then you’re playing the match game. Also, girls that have cat pics. Nothing against cats, but there’s no guy that sees a cat pic and says, ‘I like her.’”
West Coast
Male, early 20s: “If they have bad style or a lot of selfies.” And “The ‘My boyfriend and I are just looking to make friends’ profiles.”
The Dating-App Scene
East Coast
Male, mid-20s: “It’s a lot more fun but also chaotic and frustrating. I’m literally talking to about 10 girls on Tinder and 6 girls on Bumble, and that’s just today. It’s turned into a numbers game, where I’ll probably get one out of the 10 girls to go out on a date. And it’s frustrating because you’ll chat with a girl for a while, and everything’s good, and then she ghosts or gets lost in the chaos.”
Male, mid-20s: “It’s become status quo to use dating apps to socialize with individuals and meet new people. My entire gay-based friend group in Boston is based on an OkCupid date turned into a friendship. It’s becoming the same as Facebook — how we use it as a medium to keep in touch with individuals we have a connection with (whatever that connection may be).”
West Coast
Female, early 20s: “I think in big cities like San Francisco and LA, it’s becoming increasingly popular. But I also think that if given the choice, people would prefer to meet people ‘in the wild,’ as they say. It’s hard to just go off a picture. In order to be successful on a dating app, you have to be willing to go through a number of mediocre dates before finding someone. It’s exhausting!”
Conclusion? Because of the drastic change in seasons that the East Coast endures, it’s a constantly changing game. “Around fall girls are likely to be looking to build a relationship (cuddle buddy), but during the summer, it can turn into a free-for-all of hookups,” said an East Coast friend of mine. Because there is always something to do outside in California, people connect in different ways. “There’s always something going on in this city, and it’s easy to meet different kinds of people,” said a West Coaster. “Using a dating app in a city like San Francisco can be overwhelming but also invigorating.” He pulled up his Tinder app, and I watched him swipe left on a woman posing with cats dressed up in lavish silks.
