The news nowadays is abuzz with return-to-office reporting. It’s the topic de jour; an ice-breaker to connect everybody in any meeting, even the introverts or the socially uninitiated.
The first lesson I have learned is to better set boundaries between work and life, to minimize burnout.
After California reopened in June, many tech companies are now welcoming their workers to return to the office. As I mentally prepare myself for on-site work ahead, I can’t help but reflect on my transformation during the pandemic. The lockdowns and distance learning for my two school-age kids were difficult. Yet, out of the struggles came reckonings and changes that I wish to carry forward with me, as we return to our pre-pandemic lives.
The first lesson I have learned is to better set boundaries between work and life, to minimize burnout.
Before the pandemic, my motto had always been that there was no work-life balance but only work-life integration. Working in the tech industry means that we are the early adopters of our inventions, ranging from communications, work productivity, to other facets of our lives. Technological advances have made it possible for us to work anywhere and anytime.
Armed with those advances, we push the frontier of embedding work into every aspect of life. When the pandemic started, we faced the sudden shift to remote work and its digital possibilities.
A lot of us plunged into work with little reservations with endless video conferences and online chats. We braved the new way of working with gusto. A University of Chicago study has shown that employees worked 30% more than normal during the shutdown. It was no wonder that we started to experience video conference fatigue and overall burnout, after the initial brouhaha.
I’m no exception to work fatigue and burnout.I have learned the hard way that managing work and life harmoniously is a process, a marathon, and not a sprint.To play the long game, I need to set boundaries and schedule time to unplug. I am encouraged by the thoughtful discussions and best practices that advocate for well-being and no-meeting days.
Those precious uninterrupted times allow us to explore, create, and innovate rather than living in the constant state of deadlines straining to get through just another day or week.The benefit of deep thinking from no-meeting days has further inspired me to schedule breaks throughout the day for helpful mind resets.
In addition to the change on the work front, I have also changed for the better on the home front. I have finally transitioned into the mom that I have longed to be: one that always finds time for her kids regardless of how busy life can be.
Corporate life has always been demanding, often with little support for parenthood. The United States is the only developed country that does not mandate paid parental leave. Our lack of parental leave from the very top sets the tone for our woeful lack of childcare support in too many places. I cannot recall how many conversations I have had, especially with women, regarding the struggles of balancing careers with families. I never had a good solution, except to tell people to plod forward, however imperfect it is.
As for me, being a working mother with a spouse that has an equally demanding job, I have experienced the struggles first hand. Many of us dream of having a nanny to help with child care, despite the astronomical price tag. For those of us without such help, being a parent with young kids in public schools means having to stick them in after-school care until the end of the workday. After the rush-hour pickup, the night routine often consists of lots of screaming, rushing to cycle through dinner, shower, and homework before bedtime.
After an exhausting day, our most ardent prayer is no deviation from our fragile routine, as we barely hold things together as is. Any divergence, such as sickness, parent-teacher conferences, and staff learning days when kids are off school, only means an additional childcare burden on the parents.
Given how frantic our schedules were, I was not the parent who played or prioritized connecting with my kids. I organized ruthlessly (or efficiently when I kidded myself) and pushed any “nonessential” activities to the back burner, such as playing or supporting them to take art or dance classes that they yearned to take. Again, any deviation from the schedule means endless coordination atop our already overstretched lives. (Who would pick up, drop off the kids, and drive them back to their after-school care until I claim them? Do I trust the drivers? How do I ensure smooth hand-offs? Who do I need to notify of the schedule changes?)
Beyond the work and home fronts, the third change I have made is appreciating and doing what I can by participating in the social justice discourse.
The remote work from the pandemic gives us the schedule flexibility we never had. Without the daily rush of commutes and after-school care, we have been able to enjoy family dinner time, go on walks, and play together. My kids can explore and take classes after school for their interests. Our nighttime routine is no longer dominated by frantic motions but instead filled with talks, hugs, and even jokes.
At the end of this school year in June, I received this note from my kids: “Although you were busy, you always found a way to help me with my problems with homework and life. This year was extra hard because of the pandemic but you made it easier. Thank you, I love you.” The note is precious as it embodies the mother I have always wanted to be, one that always finds time for her kids regardless of how busy life can be.
Beyond the work and home fronts, the third change I have made is appreciating and doing what I can by participating in the social justice discourse.
The pandemic has been difficult, with more than a year of losses, sadness, and lost opportunities. Despite the exhaustion from the pandemic, I feel incredibly privileged and blessed to still have a good job that I can do from the safety of my home. The lifestyle changes and the associated isolation of remote work have prompted me to read more, in an attempt to connect more with the world. My reading increase is not unique, as nearly 50% of the world reads more during the pandemic.
Let the past 17 months of pandemic life not be a waste of lost opportunities. Rather, appreciate it for the transformation and the emerging possibilities of something beautiful ahead for all of us.
The more I read and connected with people outside my bubble, the more I was jolted by the systematic inequalities we still need to overcome. The pandemic has set back women’s progress in the workforce. Women are now at the lowest workforce participation since 1988. George Floyd’s murder has evoked the long-overdue national reckoning on injustice against the Black+ community. The recent spike in the anti-AAPI xenophobic violence shook us to the core and mobilized the community for unity.
Although we have been separated physically with the lockdowns and social distance, we are connected more than ever with tech inventions and information exchanges. To that end, I have been voraciously learning about the history of racism and contributed to the discussions. The more I learn, the more I believe that we do not need to choose between greatness or diversity. Without diversity, there is no greatness.
As increased vaccination rollout led to California reopening in June, many of us are readying ourselves for the transition ahead. While it’s a path of least resistance to simply go back to the pre-pandemic lives, the prolonged lifestyle changes have also given us rare opportunities to redefine and evolve. It’s certainly the case for me. I like the new me, learning to carve out boundaries between work and life, making time for my kids no matter how busy I am, and actively participating in the discourse to further diversity and equality.
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Let the past 17 months of pandemic life not be a waste of lost opportunities. Rather, appreciate it for the transformation and the emerging possibilities of something beautiful ahead for all of us.
