I have never seen Les Misérables, Phantom of the Opera, or The Sound of Music — not in film or onstage.
I’m not an uncultured bumpkin, I promise; It’s just that these particular musicals feel stuffy, like something grandma would enjoy. On my way to see “Les Mis” at the Orpheum for the first time, I told my friend: “There better be something fun about poverty.”
Sometimes it’s darkly humorous to watch theater goers don fancy frocks and shell out tons of money in order to applaud actors depicting humanity’s worst moments in history. The reality on the streets right outside is already pretty bad, but in fairness: isn’t the point of theater to help us connect with experiences affecting those around us?
And I mean, Les Misérables was alright. This is the touring Broadway production, so the only real critique I’ll muster is they were too polished. One scene transitioned quickly into the next, and the next, with huge sets of stone buildings, Wrought iron fences, sewers, and taverns; and tons of smoke and bright lights.
The performers belted out each note with such practiced precision that left the emotion behind them feeling a bit empty. I told someone at intermission that this felt like a show for Disneyland; and Les Misérables is about the orphan of a dead prostitute, so you see why this is probably not their desired reaction.
Oh yes, the plot: so there’s Jean Valjean, a French peasant in 1815 who’s building some muscle in jail after stealing a piece of bread. He gets paroled but this officer — Javert — basically has this hardon for getting Valjean back behind bars. Valjean finally has enough and runs away from his parole obligations, but first needs a little startup capital to begin his new life. He steals some silver from a priest who takes him in, and when officers catch Valjean red handed, the father says, “No no, you forgot these candlesticks, too.”
Finally we’re getting to Anne Hathaway — er, I mean Fantine. She works some time later in a factory Valjean owns, and yeah, it’s like the saddest story: she’s trying to make money for a kid that the dad abandoned. A coworker lets it out that Fantine is an unwed mother, which leads to a snafu that ultimately sends her to the street. There, she sells her one trinket and her hair, and finally, her body. The whole ordeal makes her sick — the details of what ails her weren’t especially clear — and this is when Valjean finds Fantine and gets her to a hospital. She dies, but not first without a promise from Valjean that he’ll raise her now orphaned daughter, Cosette.
I won’t recap the whole play for you, especially because I bet you’ve seen it. Nick Cartell was an exceptionally strong lead as Valjean, but my favorite-of-the-night award goes to Christine Heesun Hwang as Eponine; she’s essentially the third wheel between Cosette and a doe-eyed Marius. Eponine really drew the short straw there, like WTF Marius, here is this awesome girl, and all you can do is pine after someone you’ve never met. This is when we get the iconic song “On My Own” — Eponine is literally fantasizing about this oblivious guy while she walks around alone. Girl, you are on your own. Get yourself a Bumble profile and someone who values you!
So is Les Misérables worth seeing? Absolutely, if you like singing and dancing, war, prostitution, death, and girls being kept on the hook.
I can’t sing the strongest praises for Orpheum Theatre, which was also my first time attending. They do a full drink service inside the show, sort of like getting a Coke to go with your movie at the mall. Unfortunately, sans cupholders, people were putting glasses on the floor and then kicking them over all night. A lot of the audience arrived tardy, with ushers shining lights down the aisles during numbers instead of waiting for appropriate pauses. It felt a tiny bit like going to a rowdy Shakespeare festival in a town square.
Everyone was super sweet though, from the theater staff to stage aficionados. And sure I’d come back to this theater again. Aladdin comes to town in early August, and see? That’s Disney and a fun story about poverty.
// Les Misérables runs July 5th-23rd, 2023 at the Orpheum Theatre 1192 Market St. — showtimes and tickets.
Saul Sugarman is editor in chief of The Bold Italic.
The Bold Italic is a non-profit media organization, and we publish first-person perspectives about San Francisco and the Bay Area. Donate to us today.
