A new “Bird” breed has migrated to San Francisco, and its flock is taking over the city. The electric species, which apparently flew in all the way from China, has posed so much chaos that the city has called emergency meetings to figure out what to do about the phenomenon—and now it’s looking like these Birds are endangered.
This creature has probably caught your eyes as well, with its black coat; swan-like, long neck; and wheeled-not-webbed feet. It’s known to fly viciously through the city — often spotted carrying techies or high schoolers on its back—nesting in the middle of the sidewalk or preying on pedestrians.
After observing the critters out in their natural element, we’ve discovered many fascinating behaviors. Come along; it’s Bird-watching time.
Early Bird Catches the Worm
Despite their “roll with it” demeanor, Bird survival relies on fierce competition with similar breeds. Birds are part of an ever-growing electric community, including those referred to as “Limes” and “Spins.” Far from coincidence, all three breeds were released into the San Francisco wild during the same week this past spring, each with the same mission: to win the hearts of unassuming Homo techsapiens. Here we observe a Bird inconspicuously cozying up with a flock of Limes in an attempt to steal their secrets of survival. Given limited resources, it remains to be seen whether competition will result in evolved differences or extinction of one or more of these breeds.
Birds of a Feather, Flock Together
Wow! What a lucky spotting—three at once. So the old proverb goes, we often see Birds traveling in flocks. Here they are carrying full-grown Homo sapiens whose last encounter with a similar creature was likely two decades ago, when the primitive “Razor scooter” species was first spotted on Earth.
LoveBirds
It’s common knowledge that mating rituals of Birds are marked by flashy displays to attract others. Here we observe a Bird mounted by a human peacock — an unmissable sight like you’ve never seen before. Like many of its ancestors, Birds are polygynous creatures, soaring through the streets with one partner to a coffeeshop, another to bar and yet another to his apartment building after flaking on brunch, all in the span of an afternoon.
Bird Hunting
While this new-age Bird is much smarter than its ancestors, it’s often still not the brightest and is still an easy target for predators. This is especially true when they choose nesting spots that obstruct pedestrian pathways. Here we see a curious and brave Homo sapiens who approaches the Bird in its sleep. A bold move.
We’ve also learned of a new, rare breed of Homo sapiens known for rescuing dying Birds each night, restoring them to life and the releasing them back into the streets. And they’re handsomely rewarded, receiving up to $30 per hour.
Vulture-Like Behaviors
Birds are indomitable scavengers. Captured with a 29 mm lens, this photo shows a Bird entering a trash receptacle lifeless. Further analysis is needed before determining whether this behavior is voluntary or induced.
No Harm, No Fowl
Through extensive and conclusive research, ornithologists have found that evolutionary relationships exist between Birds and other species that transport in-need Homo sapiens. Traveling on roads and sidewalks alongside smartphone-focused pedestrians and drivers, Birds are prime targets for attack. It’s not uncommon for Birds and their Homo sapiens riders to take a fall and eat birdshit. This is where the Bird’s symbiotic relationship with the seated wheelchair species—spotted here—plays a key role.
Facing Extinction, an Uncertain Future
We typically see that when a new species is inorganically introduced into an ecosystem, ecological harmony is compromised. The case of Birds entering San Francisco has been no exception, and at this point, the streets are neither safe for Birds nor for the species living alongside them. Last week, citing the physical, systemic and philosophical risks of rampant Bird growth, city officials swooped in to limit their expansion.
Is this electric, data-driven species powerful and smart enough to fight back? Or will it find its wings clipped by the ever-dominant Homo sapiens? As for the fate of this endangered species, only time will tell.
Hey! The Bold Italic recently launched a podcast, This Is Your Life in Silicon Valley. Check out the full season or listen to the episode below featuring Alexia Tsotsis, the former co-editor of TechCrunch. More coming soon, so stay tuned!
