One of the best parts about living in San Francisco is, ironically, how easy and rewarding it is to escape it. Just beyond the fog of tech-company busses and four-hour brunch lines lie acres of picturesque lands and waters to be explored.
But when venturing out, it’s important not to leave it all to chance — nature is full of surprises, after all. Lucky for you, these Yelp reviewers took the time to document their gripes with California’s allegedly most beautiful state parks.
Point Lobos State Reserve
Nothing is scarier than an entitled dog owner being told that their dog can’t go somewhere. Nothing. Never mind that Point Lobos’s policy exists to protect the threatened Western Snowy Plover that nests on this beach — yeah, you pay taxes, and Rover should be able to go wherever he pleases, endangered wildlife be damned.
Calaveras Big Trees State Park
We should all be thankful that this reviewer uncovered the fake news that is Calaveras “Big Trees” State Park. Not even the biggest in the world. What a joke these arbors are. At least we can take solace in the fact that the entire cosmos shed a tear for her during her drive back home.
South Yuba River State Park
You hear that, Jerry? Cram it.
Angel Island
Is this the same person who said Maui is Alcatraz 3? He’s out of control. We need to find him and lock him up.
Half Moon Bay State Beach
Another freakin’ beach with sand and water. Honestly, what could be worse? Hard not to be disappointed when your expectations are seeing “gold tainted caves” and “coral infested hot springs,” whatever that may mean.
Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park
Who owns this park? TLC? If I wanted to experience a G-rated experience, I’d stay home and watch Nickelodeon.
Pismo State Beach
Bug repellent: $5; Bubble-boy suit: $25; Photos: Priceless. #BugCity
Moss Landing State Beach
I mean, fair.
Andrew Molera State Park
Disgusting. Steer clear of this park.And Third World countries, where deadwood and nudity are rampant, apparently.
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