Four years ago, a croissant and a donut fell madly in love, and out popped their love child, a sweet halo of a pastry known as a cronut. Crowds flocked. Sugar spun. Breakfast would never be the same.
The concoction (and, of course, its creator, Dominique Ansel) made history. Not only was the cronut damn delicious, but also it became the foundation of a new genre of food — mash-up dishes.
Previously the stuff of DJ Earworm and Barry’s Bootcamp playlists, mash-ups are now an established part of the food scene. They range from permutations of familiar foods to full-on fusions of ethnic cuisines. Some are as hyped as the cronut; some are weird—and not in a good way; and some you just can’t be sober while eating. I ate the standouts of these in SF and put together a handy list to guide you through this nebulous mash-up world.
Because authenticity is obviously super-important in mash-up foods, I’ve provided a ranking on what you can expect and if it’s worth the hype (read: standing in line).
Paneer Masala Pizza from Zante Pizza & Indian Cuisine
I’m probably biased because I’m convinced paneer is one of the best foods in the world. But even so, the paneer masala pizza is awesome. It’s paneer tikka masala (or chicken tikka, for you meat eaters) smothered over a naan pizza dough with just enough spice to feel exotic, without being overbearing. Bonus points: they deliver. Minus points: they have a hundred other things on their menu that nobody orders.
Indian-authenticity ranking: 4/10
Italian-authenticity ranking: 6/10
Worth the hype: 8/10
Geisha’s Kiss from Sushirrito
I get it—people in the FiDi are busy and don’t want to commit to sitting down for lunch. But did we have to take the beautiful art of sushi and stuff it into a burrito? It’s filled with an odd combination of Japanese and Mexican items (ginger guac?) and rice — so much rice — that the fish gets lost, which is kind of the point of sushi in the first place.
Japanese-authenticity ranking: 3/10
Mexican-authenticity ranking: 5/10
Worth the hype: 4/10
Cragel from Beanstalk Cafe
In this unassuming café in Lower Nob Hill lives the cragel, layers of croissant dough boiled into bagel form. Bagel snobs will hate this. Croissant snobs will also hate this. I thought it was pretty good and chewy with a dash of butter. It has potential but also, you know, whatever.
Croissant-authenticity ranking: 4/10
Bagel-authenticity ranking: 7/10
Worth the hype: 5/10
Short Rib Burger from Koja Kitchen
I love Korean barbecue, so I’ll leap at any excuse to eat it. After trying the short rib burger at Koja, I realized why I love Korean food so much: because it’s Korean. Not American, not in a burger. The meat is incredible, but something about a rice bun doesn’t satisfy me. Sometimes purity in cuisine is a good thing.
Korean-authenticity ranking: 7/10
American-authenticity ranking: 4/10
Worth the hype: 6/10
Sexy Fries from Curry Up Now
You should know that I ate these tikka-masala-smothered fries while drunk on a Saturday night. Then I ate them on a Tuesday evening with a fork. They are incredibly addictive. Canadian food just became cool again.
Indian-authenticity ranking: 2/10
Canadian(?)-authenticity ranking: 8/10
Worth the hype: 7/10
Kung Pao Pastrami from Mission Chinese
Apart from the cooking method and a few the ingredients, there is scarcely any authenticity in the Chinese half of this dish. But with the crunch of the celery and the peanuts, the heat from the chilis and the weirdly good pastrami, I couldn’t stop eating it.
Chinese-authenticity ranking: 3/10
Jewish-authenticity ranking: 6/10
Worth the hype: 7/10
Totchos from Teeth SF
Tater tots and nachos are already pretty amazing when consumed separately. The combination is a powerhouse of carbs, cheese, garlic crab (should you choose that version, which I highly recommend you do) and emotion — because everyone knows you don’t eat totchos sober.
American-authenticity ranking: 9/10
Mexican-authenticity ranking: 5/10
Worth the hype: 6/10 when sober, 9.9/10 when drunk
Ringmaster Burger from Straw
If you ever want to eat your entrée and your dessert at the same time, this burger fashioned between donut buns is for you. It looks and sounds intriguing, but it was just a confusing combination of flavors in my mouth. And I felt like I needed to run a half marathon after I ate it.
Burger-authenticity ranking: 6/10
Donut-authenticity ranking: 4/10
Worth the hype: 6/10
Cruffin from Mr. Holmes Bakehouse
The cronut has been famously trademarked, so the next-best option this side of the Mississippi is the croissant-muffin. It’s definitely more croissant than muffin, which is great, because who really likes muffins anyway? And the rotating flavors keep you coming back and wondering why your body is never Coachella ready.
Croissant-authenticity ranking: 8/10
Muffin-authenticity ranking: 4/10
Worth the hype: 9/10
