FRIDAY FIVE
In 1975, Neil Sedaka released a song with the famous lyrics “Breaking up is hard to do.” Forty years later, nothing has changed; some people find ending a relationship so difficult that ghosting — whereby you fade like a phantom into the night, ignoring all texts and calls until the other party gives up — is a thing.
But as we all know, that’s a sure and fast way to lose your dignity and any respect your now-former partner has left for you. So once you’ve decided to do the deed face-to face, we have a list of places that will make parting ways not so painful.
1. Sutro Baths
Located in the Golden Gate National Recreation Area, where North America meets the Pacific Ocean, the Sutro Baths is an ideal spot for saying, “It’s not you; it’s me” — as long as the breakup is amicable. (There are spots where one could easily slip off a cliff, and we wouldn’t want a Big Little Lies scenario, after all.) However, the soaring cliffs do serve as a dramatic backdrop for a Hollywood-worthy breakup. After all, the Sutro Baths used to be a public saltwater-swimming-pool complex until it went down in flames in 1966. In a way, the Baths are emblematic of your relationship: it was once a popular destination at which to relax, but it ended with fire.
1004 Point Lobos Avenue | nps.gov
2. Tonga Room
Located inside the Fairmont Hotel, this bar is one of those places where you can go and forget what day and time it is, in part due to its Scorpion Bowls. The atmosphere at the Tonga Room is a solid 10: the perfect combination of feel-good vibes meets things-can-go-south-really-fast. From the indoor lagoon (no swimming allowed) to the live music on the floating barge, this bar is the ideal place for a first or second date. What makes it work for a date also makes it work for a breakup: it’s so fun, you won’t be able to sulk in your loneliness right away. Hey, it’s hard to really feel alone when you’re dancing to the Island Groove band and knee-deep in one of the boozy punch cocktails.
950 Mason Street | tongaroom.com
3. Japanese Tea Garden
In the midst of stress, you’ll need to tap in to your inner Zen master. Nothing can affect you, not even the end of a relationship. That’s why a serene and calm environment, like the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park, is another ideal spot for calling it quits. The garden is full of pagodas, stone lanterns, and stepping-stone paths—setting the stage for a calm ending. Plus, the Zen atmosphere means it’s highly unlikely that the breakup will end in a yelling match. Nobody wants to make a scene at the Japanese Tea Garden. After you have the talk, you can relax with tea in silence and with acceptance.
75 Hagiwara Tea Garden Drive | japaneseteagardensf.com
4. The Page
Let’s be real: you’ll be hitting up the Page after the breakup, so you might as well end the relationship there. No need to waste time moving on to the next flavor of the week. Located on Divisadero Street, the Page is a classic San Francisco dive bar with just-dark-enough lights, a dingy-enough atmosphere, and cheap-enough drinks to make it the city’s premier hookup spot. Our unscientific estimate is that about 75% of Page-goers are single or on first dates, making it the perfect place at which to meet your next fling and recover from your broken heart.
298 Divisadero Street | thepagebar.com
5. Cable-Car Ride
In case of a breakup, it’s best to have a quick and easy escape plan. Now, as San Franciscans, we all know that cable-car rides are for tourists—well, except for the lucky handful of San Franciscans who actually live or work along the routes. But the iconic cars also make for a convenient way to call things off; if you break up on the trolley, you’ll have your getaway covered. Reduce the risk of an awkward goodbye or a prolonged discussion about your ill-fated affair when you jump off the platform at your stop.
San Francisco Cable Car | sfmta.com
