Have you heard? It’s time to run for cover: the Nerd Apocalypse is nigh! Or so say the writers who are up in arms about how San Francisco used to be an artistic haven but has morphed into a sterile, robotic, money-grubbing tech hub.
As a writer who wanted to move to San Francisco after college to become the next Allen Ginsberg, I understand the desire to preserve the city’s artistic legacy. But when I arrived here eight years later, it was because I’d gotten a job as a content marketing manager for an app developer that put videos in e-books. Our CEO sold me on the idea that technology is merging artistic media to tell stories in completely new ways. That company turned out to be my gateway drug. Three years later, my job is writing and editing content for deep tech companies, and I have no regrets.
Not only is the tech industry creatively solving problems that change our lives for the better, but also it’s participating in events like Art Hack, a hackathon for developers, designers, and artists to share ideas. Whatever your vocation or however many times a day you check your email, technology is changing our experiences in amazing ways.
At a time when it’s easy to take cheap shots at tech types, there’s more to be gained from understanding nerd culture than condemning it from the outside. Step one is learning about the stuff we love. Mention that you read The Lean Startup years ago or that you’re swapping your iPhone for a Droid because you believe in open source, and we’ll be all ears. Still feeling like an outsider in a tech city? Memorize this handy cheat sheet and maximize your chances of surviving the Nerd Apocalypse.
You’ve been on Facebook for years, but unfortunately, so have your mom and my grandmother. It’s time to take your social networking to the next level.
Path is a social sharing app that’s perfect for introverts because it’s exclusive: you have to cap your friends at 150. Show how cool you are with this lack of attention by saying, “I don’t really care who sees my stuff on Path. It’s just a beautiful UX, and I use it more as a journal for myself.”
Once you’re practiced at saying, “I hardly ever check Facebook anymore,” you’re ready for Reddit, which is part social network, part forum, part aggregator, and all nerd heaven. It’s a place to obsess about Internet memes, politics, technology, and whatever niche hobbies you may have. You can use Reddit to keep your finger on the pulse of what nerds are up to and find your own weird hobby.
When it comes to sharing real knowledge instead of hilarious memes, nerds go to GitHub or Hacker News. GitHub is a site where engineers can publish their code and collaborate. Hacker News is where engineers go to talk shop and rip each other mercilessly to shreds. Participation in these sites isn’t recommended for novices, but occasionally dropping, “Oh, I think I saw that on Hacker News” into a conversation will never hurt.
You played The Legend of Zelda when you were a kid, right? Good news: this is something you have in common with your nerd counterparts. The only difference is, while Zelda may have been the last video game you played, for some techies, it was probably the reason they decided to spend their lives tinkering with computers.
Fast-forward two decades or so, and games are a whole different world. If you’re feeling ambitious, mention Hotline Miami, or read this article on BioShock Infinite that includes some spoilers and a thematic discussion that would put my old English papers to shame. You might be able to convince someone you’ve not only played it but also overanalyzed the heck out of it.
If you’re feeling really ambitious, talk about your passion for the indie games that even the game-store employees don’t know about: Réplublique, Project Eternity, Starbound and, most importantly, Divekick. You can also earn some cred by confessing an affection for good old-fashioned board games. You’ve probably played Settlers of Catan, but did you know there are multiple editions and offshoots of the game? If you can learn to respect Atlantis: Scenarios & Variants, the nerds will definitely respect you.
Brushing up on the Zombie Apocalypse is a good way to get ready for the Nerd Apocalypse. Dig into the Walking Dead (no, not the AMC TV show, but the graphic novel), and you’ll be assimilated in no time. Bonus points for saying, “It’s totally different and so much better than the show.” If you’re not into zombies, a) don’t advertise that fact too widely and b) choose something else off this list of the top 50 graphic novels.
On the flip side of graphic novels and fantasy is another favorite nerd indulgence: nonfiction. Grab any history book that chronicles a very narrow subject in great, great detail, and you’ll have no trouble passing. For example, James Gleick’s The Information: A History, A Theory, A Flood will give you the foundation you need to understand information theory, but if you talk about it, make sure to mention that it’s “pop science” and “not nearly technical enough but entertaining nonetheless.” (Yes, nerds find information theory entertaining, and soon you will too!)
What could be more entertaining than pop science? O’Reilly books about tech, of course. Not only will you fit right in while carrying one of these books, but also you might even learn something useful, such as the answer to the question, what is a Linux operating system? (Hint: it’s not made by Apple.)
If all this is making your head spin, just shrug your shoulders and type “tl;dr.” That’s nerd speak for “too long, didn’t read.” Then, check out something shorter: xkcd, a webcomic “of romance, sarcasm, language, and math” that is brilliantly constructed so you can laugh at it even if you don’t know much about math. Consume as much as you can by clicking the “random” tab. If you’re ever caught in an awkward moment, salvage it by saying, “This totally reminds me of that one xkcd…”
Surely, you’ve seen or heard of the Big Bang Theory? Conjure up a memory of the show, hold the picture in your brain, and now push it out of your head forever. Referencing this show is a telltale sign that you are a non-nerd fascinated by the idea of making fun of nerds. For a better picture of both nerds and the jokes they might find funny, try The IT Crowd, a British sitcom about — yup, you guessed it — some folks in an IT department. Watch this show, and you’ll be able to lament, “It’s sooo annoying when my dad asks for computer help and I have to ask him if he’s tried turning it off and back on again.” No one will ever guess you majored in American Studies.
That is, unless you mention that you watch Futurama. Turns out so does that former sorority girl who still has a BlackBerry. For a real adventure in futuristic outer space, check out the famous Joss Whedon series, Firefly. Part Western, part sci-fi, this show has all the right components to garner nerd adoration. Plus, it’s produced by Joss Whedon, who has accrued a true cult following in the nerd community.
On the movie front, well, you’ve seen every movie there is because you download them all for free. But you can’t tell anyone how. You never know who’s listening.
You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you! Time to stop reading this article, cover up your obscure T-shirt with a comfy plaid, and tackle your to-do list. The good news is that you made it to the end of this guide, and if even a few of the things included seemed interesting, you may find that San Francisco’s changing scenery isn’t actually the sign of a Nerd Apocalypse, but a Nerdvana.
