What’s that new smell wafting along Valencia? Is it a new Ethiopian restaurant? Is it some kind of fusion Chilean/Italian place? Wrong, and wrong again. It’s Plenta’ Placenta, the new hot spot in San Francisco for adventurous foodies that’s taking the world by storm.
Perhaps you read the name of the restaurant and thought, “What the fuck? Do they serve human placenta?” The answer is yes! Of course. They absolutely serve ethically collected placentas in a variety of delicious offerings.
What do they mean by ethically collected placentas? Well, Plenta’ Placenta prides itself on serving only human placentas that have been harvested directly “from the source.” Generally, placenta is sold by the pound for around $35 on the direct market.
Los Placenta Hermanos, a rival uterine foodery, came under fire recently for serving dog placentas in place of human ones. The restaurant responded with the following statement:
“We started Los Placenta Hermanos with the dream of being the finest establishment geared toward the placenta-eating community. However, Plenta’ Placenta has aggressively cornered the market, making it impossible for our buyers to obtain the product we need. That product is, of course, human placentas. Our only recourse was to start serving canine placenta, which is also ethically obtained from local animal shelters and breeders, of course. To be honest, the kids don’t seem to care which species of uterine organ they chow down on as long as they can get the Instagram likes.”
In other uterus-cuisine news, Bon Appétit has called a forthcoming Placenta Toast eatery arriving in the East Cut in the new year the most highly anticipated restaurant opening of 2019. Expect long, long lines.
John Waters can often be seen enjoying the placenta quesadilla, carefully dabbing the red sauce from his trademark pencil-thin mustache.
Perhaps you’re asking yourself, “What does one pair placenta with when dining? A nice red wine?” Yes! Eating human placenta is exactly like eating a juicy steak (or a chewy pork chop), and you need the perfect beverage to pair with its savory flavor.
Plenta’ Placenta recommends its house sangria, a pint of their placenta-infused IPA or their finely crafted Bloody Mary, of course made with juiced placenta. Yum city, population you!
Many celebrities have made dining at Plenta’ Placenta the big to-do when visiting San Francisco. Part-time resident and film auteur John Waters enjoys the mimosa brunch. He can often be seen enjoying the placenta quesadilla (placentadilla), carefully dabbing the red sauce off his trademark pencil-thin mustache.
“It’s two of my favorite things put together. It’s ungodly expensive, and the idea of eating a human placenta is absolutely disgusting. I love it!”
There’s more to eating a finely prepared placenta than the flavor. There are numerous health benefits to eating an afterbirth. The placenta contains many nutrients, such as potassium, protein, hormones and testosterone. Not only that, but placentophagy can increase milk production in women. Look out, fellas!
For a more in-depth perspective, I talked to local nutritionist Karen Yi.
Me: What do you think of the latest foodie fad of people eating placenta?
Dr. Yi: Like mothers eating their own placentas?
Me: No, silly, strangers’ placentas!
Dr. Yi: What? People are eating placentas recreationally, in restaurants?!
I handed the doctor a menu from Plenta’ Placenta, and she thumbed through its many delicacies.
Me: I personally recommend the polenta with placenta—it’s a taste explosion.
Dr. Yi: This is wrong on multiple levels. I can’t even begin to … this is popular?
Me: I’ve read on the internet that eating placenta can help women with postpartum depression and increase sexual virility in men.
Dr. Yi: None of that is true. This city is a joke. It’s becoming so removed from reality. San Francisco is going to eat itself.
Me: Ooh, I hear there’s a new spot in NOPA where you can do that.
Hey! The Bold Italic recently launched a podcast, This Is Your Life in Silicon Valley. Check out the full season or listen to the episode below featuring Eileen Rinaldi, CEO and founder of Ritual Coffee. More coming soon, so stay tuned!
