The Weirdest Shit to Come Out of Silicon Valley

This Weirdest Shit column has always focused on technology culture, with the “Silicon Valley” moniker broadly embracing the global startup world and loads of localized honorable mentions to Patagonia vest bros and their ilk. Sheltering in place has elevated that premise to an uncanny valley level — with remote techies and entrepreneurs illustrating how concretely the digital has subsumed the physical (at least for now). Silicon Valley proper may never be the same, but that might be a good thing — breaking the barriers of “inner circle” networks and widening opportunities to reach more diverse communities.

That said, this month, our monthly game — Two Truths and a Lie, Silicon Valley Startup Edition — has a puppy-love feel. We ask you: Out of the following three pet startups, which one is fake?

• One that makes energy bars for dogs
• One that tracks how much water your pets consume
• One that makes soothing music for dogs

(Scroll to the bottom for the answers.)

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Dogs are talking back to their people

Shelters are out of dogs. Pet shops are desperately ordering more. Another lockdown life lesson: When people can’t go out, they want pets to come in. And with few people to talk to, pet owners have decided it’s about time their pups started talking back. There are myriad ways to attempt this, but the hottest dog-talking techniques come from FluentPet, a new offering from San Diego startup CleverPet. FluentPet is a push-button word-association trainer. Each button can be programmed with different sounds, and the idea is that owners (or dogs) press said button and act out the corresponding word or object — for example, buttons might say “outside” or “hungry” or “[owner’s name].”

It has sold thousands of products since its June launch, reports the Wall Street Journal, and it’s out of stock until late September.

KFC’s lab-grown chicken nuggets

Kentucky Fried Chicken has been quite the innovator these last few years (remember its “I Love You, Colonel Sanders” dating sim?). Now they’re going a step further and looking to exclude the chicken part from their finger-licking motto. To be fair, the “finger-licking” part was nixed recently because it wasn’t the “right message” to have in a pandemic. And that switch made good headlines, of course. Anyway, KFC has partnered with Russian startup 3D Bioprinting Solutions to see if they can print lab-grown-chicken nuggets, reports Yahoo! News.

“Crafted meat products are the next step in the development of our ‘restaurant of the future’ concept,” said Raisa Polyakova, the general manager of KFC Russia, in a press statement. The process works by culturing chicken cells alongside plant materials, which are then combined into a paste and printed with a 3D printer. The KFC proprietary breading and spices are added next. “We are working to make it available to thousands of people in Russia,” she said. Early taste tests report that it’s an “accurate” nugget. Mk.

Lab-grown Texas BBQ

The lab-grown meat space is booming, but there’s been some resistance from the cattle industry. Sure, Tyson Foods invested in lab-grown-meat startup Memphis Meats, but that’s pocket change for it. But now, the startup BioBQ is challenging this space again, reports the Business Journals, in the heartland of the meat market: Texas. Their proposition: cell-based Texas barbecue. They’re working on beef brisket and beef jerky.

BioBQ co-founder Janet Zoldan brings a unique perspective to the ventures; she’s a professor of cellular and biomolecular engineering at the University of Texas at Austin with a background in repairing human hearts with cell sheet technology. Zoldan found that her experience regenerating human cardiac tissue translated perfectly to the alt-meat market.

Here comes the obligatory BBQ-related dad joke:

A grill master wanted to load up the grill with more BBQ, but he was running low on hot coals...

So, he decided not to brisket.

Zoom into Burning Man

There are many disappointed Burners this year, saddened that their enormous party/city/rave/transcendental journey/leave-no-trace desert extravaganza is nixed due to the pandemic. I mean, obviously they’re saddened by the shitshow the world is right now, and this just makes it even suckier.

Historically, Burning Man has always been about being present — and while there’s a lot of technology on the Playa, in terms of fire-breathing wagons and light-reactive sculptures — cell service and Google have been (mostly) intentionally absent. But #NewNormal.

Now all Burners and the Burner lurkers (myself included) who couldn’t commit to camping out can enjoy a raft of online experiences with a virtual Black Rock City. There are livestreams, interactive art pieces, a Second Life experience, VR-headset options, and more. There are eight universes to pick from in the Burning Man Multiverse, including The Infinite Playa, which replicates the layout of the city, and offerings can be made at the Ethereal Empyrean temple.

“All you need is a computer or smartphone and a curious mind,” according to event organizers. Virtual Burning Man runs from Monday, August 31 until Sunday, September 6.

The “5G protection” scam artists

In April, the conspiracy theory that 5G caused Covid-19 caused chaos in America, with people burning down 5G towers in protest. That’s obviously hogwash — but it ties into the bigger fear that some people have of electromagnetic frequencies (EMF), with many reporting that these invisible fields have caused them pain. The National Academy of Sciences has investigated this and called bullshit. Nevertheless, there is a whole world of anti-EMF technology, reports Mel magazine, which includes everything from $5,499 EMF-shielding sauna tents (purchased by Twitter funder Jack Dorsey!) to $108 shielding boxers.

Another big brand is Da Vinci Medical, which sells a $6,495 portable EMF protection disc to shelter users from their Wi-Fi. They also sell ventilators, a combo which troubles me greatly as the merge of snake oil and (hopefully) medical devices feels icky.

It’s no surprise that the pseudoscience bandwagon has heated up in the pandemic, with startups selling out of EMF shielding gear as the panicked populace invests. Here’s hoping the global supply chain problems we’re having work in our favor for once.

Answers to Two Truths and a Lie: Psych! This week, for the first time ever, every single startup was a truth.

• TurboPup makes all-natural, grain-free energy bars for dogs.
• The Pawbo Spring is a smart water fountain that tracks how much fluid your pets drink.
• iCalmPet makes soothing music for dogs based on psychoacoustic research.