The Weirdest Shit to Come Out of Silicon Valley
Welcome to June’s update of Two Truths and a Lie, Silicon Valley Start-up Edition, the game that lets you know just what you’re in for with this column.
Out of the following three start-ups, which is the fake one? One that transforms sunlight into fish. One that gives you on-demand access to private toilets. Or one that sends emotional-support animals to people at dentists’ offices. (Scroll to the bottom for the answers.)
A recap for people new to this feature: Here’s where you’ll find an assortment of weird shit from Silicon Valley, according to my brain. That means venture-capitalist drama, WTF start-ups, and any especially odd tech-related news.
Know of some ridic stuff happening in July? Shoot me a message to include it in next’s month edition.
Apple’s Worldwide Developers Conference Attendees Take a Trip to Costco
What does the average person do when traveling to a new country for work? If your answer is anything but see the sights, eat the food, and shop, I strongly doubt you’re telling me the truth. In London, the international-style-conscious head to Primark (if you’re on a budget) and Harrods (if you want to splurge). Ask me a month ago, and I’d have said the San Francisco equivalent might be Ghirardelli Square or Macy’s in Union Square. But it looks like I’d have been wrong.
This year, one of the many side events offered for the 6,000 or so people who flew in for the Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC), Apple’s annual show-off forum, was a trip to Costco, named the Worldwide Costco Tour. Now that’s something I can get behind — for one, Costco’s memberships are a commitment, so somebody giving me the chance to buy enormous jars of Nutella or a 50-pack of string cheese is nothing to be sniffed at. Sure, if you’re an international traveller, you can likely afford more expensive stuff, but who doesn’t like a bargain? This $20.97 slice-of-Americana event was sold out. Here’s the event description:
“Costco is a unique and truly American concept. If you’ve never been before, stepping inside is an eye-opening experience and a fun way to get a taste of American consumerism and peek into the daily life of other shoppers. It’s also a great opportunity to stock up on large quantities of products you didn’t even know you needed for the rest of the week, at exceptionally good prices. Of course, this is all just a fun excuse to meet up for a couple of hours and make some new friends before a busy week!”
Peter Steinberger, founder of PSPDFKit, a mobile PDF platform, flew in from Vienna to attend the conference and stopped in at the Costco pitstop as well. He received a free hat (that said “WWCT,” obv), toured the store (including the kitchens), and discovered that Costco supplies all the food for WWDC.
He has zero regrets. I don’t blame him.
You Can Now Get Pogo Sticks On Demand
It seems like the street scourge of electric scooters, bikes, baby strollers, and teens might have a new competitor: the on-demand pogo stick. I say “might” in the broadest possible terms, because despite reading multiple articles that all confirm that this is not a fake product and that THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, I’m still not 100% convinced. The premise here follows the same lines as those of all the other transport start-ups — a mobile app unlocks the pogo stick, and then there’s a pay-per-minute charge. The company, called Cangaroo, says it plans to roll out 100 to 200 pogo sticks in San Francisco, Paris, London, and Sweden as early as this summer.
The SF pogo points will be around Golden Gate Park, which actually could be kinda cool, but the problem with the company is that they are positioning this as a “last-mile transportation” option, not just a “Hey, let’s pogo in the park—I never have my pogo stick when I want it” kind of thing. Their marketing materials even feature people in their work clothes pogo-ing around. I mean, honestly, I’m a little torn — I’d kind of like this to actually become a thing, because HOLY FUCK how stupid would those tech bros look while bouncing around on these things? My best guess is that this is all a ploy—the company will roll out the product but only very few pogo sticks. However, it will get the company attention (and SEO back links) for when they launch product number 2 (taking a leaf out of Ryan Holiday’s playbook).
Behold Silicon Valley’s Mega Dorm
Some of my best memories are from the times when I lived in a dorm. There was drinking; there was cooking; there was calling out for the delivery when the aforementioned cooking inevitably failed. Many of my dorm mates are still my best friends. But when I think back on those times, it’s with a fond nostalgic yearning—like the feelings I have for the Spice Girls and AOL Instant Messenger. And no one wants a return to that. As an adult, I view dorms as a firm “been there, done that” kind of thing.
But I haven’t had to move to a brand-new city in a long time, and if I were new to the Bay Area, I’d be very intimidated by the rental market (I still am, really). For a newbie, perhaps a dorm wouldn’t seem like the worst thing ever. After all, jobs are like a baby step away from college, right?
That’s what Starcity, a co-living community start-up, is banking on by leaping into the adult mega-dorm life. The company was just granted a permit to build an 18-story, 803-unit building in San Jose. “This Titanic of co-living is set to be the biggest shared-living-space-cum-mega-dorm-for-emerging-adults ever conceived,” Sarah Holder wrote in CityLab. The rental cost per 130-to-220-square-foot private bedrooms starts at around $2,000. And yes, that’s considered a good value for the Bay Area — apparently “targeted below 110% area median income.” Amenities include a fitness center, a bike-storage area, a roof terrace, and likely a bar and a restaurant. Their big draw is their “community,” which means large open-plan areas that force you to socialize. If people get along, it’s not a terrible idea, but the fact that people earning $120,000+ see a dorm as a viable option is indicative of just how expensive the Bay Area is — and how today’s workers are regressing to their juvenile roots.
Tesla’s In-Car Racing Game
Far be it from me to throw some shade at Tesla, but I have to wonder just what planet Elon Musk hails from when I heard about the launch of Beach Buggy Racing 2. Now, adding games to Tesla’s iPad-like console is not the problem here (they already have a bunch), but this particular game’s special twist is what I find baffling.
Beach Buggy Racing 2 is hardwired to the Tesla’s brakes and steering wheel (as in the car’s real brakes and real steering wheel), which means that as players “careen, blast and launch” their way around the game’s 22 tracks (while driving an animated Tesla, obv), they’ll have to yank the steering wheel and stomp on the brake as they take those corners.
The Tesla has to be in park mode for the driver to access the Mario Kart–esque game, but it’s still an odd concept. “The way we have it, the brake is wired in. The scroll wheel is wired to the gas pedal. Sitting on the brake if you’re stationary isn’t a problem; sitting on the gas might be,” Musk said.
Even so, making the game play reliant on the use of the steering wheel and pedals means that any potential player will need to be in the driver’s seat. And who else might think this game is fun? Why, children, of course. Let’s please encourage every little terror out there to press the pedals and turn the wheel of this $35,000-and-up car.
Am Mei Friend-Zoned or Not?
“But what did he really mean when he put a smiley face?” asked my friend.“Is he just being friendly, or does he like meeeeeee?” I swear, I could hear those extra e’s. And yes, this really is how a grown-ass 30-year-old friend of mine talked about a boy (man, really) that she kinda likes—well, only if he likes her, y’know.
Given that I just had to deal with this throwback to high school, I’m more inclined to see the positive spin of Mei, an AI-assisted messaging app that works as a replacement text platform—meaning that its AI scans your messages (before you make a face, know that you’ve likely given Google and Apple similar permissions) and uses natural language processing to decipher if he/she/they are into you or not. It also assesses the user’s mood and prompts them with nudges, such as “Do you really want to text something mean?” and so on. First released in 2018, the app was just updated by the company with a bunch of new features. Among other things, it can identify people’s most “caring contact,” send out text blasts to your friends, and launch anonymous polls.
I don’t know if this will solve my friends’ problems — it’s Android only for now — but it’s a start.
The Electric-Unicycle Gangs of San Francisco
I’m all for solving the last-mile problem, but doing that on one wheel seems a little foolhardy to me. But what do I know? The only time I tried an electric unicycle (also known as a self-balancing one-wheel ), I fell off instantly and have never had the opportunity to try it again. Clearly, for some people, they’re a valid mode of transport, which brings me to this fascinating story about the electric-unicycle gangs of San Francisco.
Apparently, there’s a collective of folks who ride these daily — speeds range from 14 to 40 mph depending on the model, and these enthusiasts regularly congregate to roll together. “Rolling” meaning something very different from what you’re thinking here. There’s even an organization that fights electric-unicycle prejudice and tries to ensure safer rolls and laws across America.
One of the reasons for their adoption is San Francisco’s hills — truly a challenge even on foot, and pretty insurmountable on an electric scooter. “You can ride up the steepest hill in San Francisco—no problem,” rider Kevin Grandon, a software engineer, told Carolyn Said of the San Francisco Chronicle. Another fan, who commutes to college on it, called it a “magic time machine.” Another plus: the fact that they can legally be on the roads — meaning you don’t have to weave in and out of pedestrians. This doesn’t mean they’re completely without danger, of course. One rider said he broke both wrists while on one (in separate incidents), and another said face-plants are common.
This Robot Will Give You the Side Eye
One of the problems with building realistic robots is their complete lack of humor. When I hung out with Sophia the robot (arguably one of the most advanced AI’s), we did share some “jokes,” but her preprogrammed dad-like humor felt exactly like that: programmed. Improving human-bot interactions could with the side eye.
Enter the unimaginatively named Irony Man, who was designed by researchers at Augsburg University. Their goal is to imbue Irony Man with irony, helped by built-in facial markers that give him physical ways to respond—winking, eye-rolling, etc. They’ve also included verbal responses, including intonation, emphasis, and so on.
One example: if you tell Irony Man that “traffic is frustrating,” he’d respond, “I love being stuck here,” with an emphasis on “love.” Apparently, this attitude is just what us little humans have been craving in our robot encounters. Nothing says “I’m real” like some good old sassing, right? This ultimately makes you think about the human condition. Or perhaps we just won’t go there. The next step for mankind: sarcasm.
AI’s Monopoly Takeover
Board games can bring people together. But they can also tear families apart. Playing games often brings out the worst in people—all that bottled-up middle-child resentment from the roll of a die. “Board games bring out our competitive spirit because they divide us,” Dr. Alok Trivedi told NBC News. “We start producing adrenaline and cortisol, and we become ready to fight.”
It seems that Hasbro is trying to solve this with their newest Monopoly update, Monopoly Voice Banking. Instead of cash, there’s a supersized Monopoly top hat that doubles as a speaker — Mr. Monopoly himself, who acts as your personal banker. He responds to voice commands and questions and tracks your cash and properties, making it impossible for you to cheat your way out of a hole. The AI doesn’t seem especially sophisticated — yay, buzzwords! — but the mere fact that it’s a selling point in a children’s game shows how much our culture has shifted during the last few years.
Answers to Two Truths and a Lie: The emotional-support animals for dental offices is the lie; the start-up Good2Go provides users with an app to access bathrooms; and Blue Planet Ecosystems converts sunlight to fish via a sunlight-to-algae, algae-to-zooplankton, and plankton-to-fish process.
