By Max Kersting
Roommate horror stories: we all have them. Most people will live with a roommate at some point, whether that person’s their BFF or some stranger they find on Craigslist. While where you live is obviously important, it’s whom you live with that can make or break the renting experience. I currently live in San Francisco’s glorious Chinatown, but before that, I lived on three different continents and in six different countries with over 35 roommates in total. I don’t regret a thing, but I can say that crazy roommates significantly decrease your quality of life, and nobody has time for that.
After so many different living situations, I’ve definitely learned a thing or two about myself and what makes someone a perfect roommate match. My past roommates have inspired me, thrown me into some of my strangest experiences, and driven me crazy, but they’ve all taught me how I want to live now and in the future. Here are some of my favorite and most outrageous roommate situations.
1. The Keep-It-Tight, German Mansion Partiers
After some time in California a few years ago, I moved to the south of Germany for the last semester of undergraduate school. Shortly after moving, I got a lease in a very old mansion for six months. The only catch was that 10 other people lived there. It was a pretty random mix! Some were introverts who loved classical music. Some were party animals who picked up girls or guys and brought them home every other night. Some were always gone and never came home before 4:00 a.m.
Being the college kid that I was, I agreed when a few of the roommates decided we should be taking advantage of our awesome home. We started hosting theme parties in our mansion every other week. Each event had its own crazy theme (and was definitely always illegal), driving away our quieter roommates each weekend.
One of our ragers was a “Keep It Tight” party, but I didn’t last too long. After passing out in my bed pretty early, I awoke hours later to a guy and a girl “exchanging clothes” in my bed. If that wasn’t enough of a shock, I soon heard one of my roommates screaming for me. I jumped out of bed just in time to see a totally drunk girl falling through our chandelier — from the third floor. I watched my roommate talk to police officers outside in a snug pair of tighty-whities and a pink satin bathrobe about “our small get-together of 20 to 30 people” while more than a hundred people left the mansion right behind him.
I still don’t know how we got away with it, but when I started working a few months later, I knew it was time to say goodbye to the crazy party house and go in search of some peace and quiet.
2. Passive-Aggressive Post-it Notes
A little while after I left the mansion, I found another apartment in Hamburg, Germany. I moved in with a quiet girl. She told me that her boyfriend had just moved out because they separated and that she needed privacy. I thought that that would be exactly what I needed, so I moved in.
It was quiet, but it was definitely not a place that felt like home. She was sharing the apartment only to save money and wanted to be completely secluded. She didn’t want to see me (or any of my stuff) and always seemed annoyed that I even lived there. I was even forbidden to keep anything in the bathroom — not even my razor.
As I started to break her strange rules, I started to find sticky notes left all over the apartment directed at me. For example, “After cleaning, pls put the vacuum EXACTLY the way it was” or “Don’t leave your stuff on the table.”
This lasted for two months before enough was enough. It was awful. It’s not fun to stay at work to avoid going home because you feel uncomfortable. So the passive-aggressive sticky-note writer and I parted ways.
3. A Surfer, Musician, and a Gamer Walk into a Bar …
While at California State University during my senior year of college, I had three roommates: a surfer, a musician, and a gamer.
The surfer, the musician, and I got along great. We partied, went on trips to several awesome places, and hung out together all the time.
Then there was our other roommate. He went to classes, played video games endlessly, drove off-campus to indulge in fast food every day, and drank mountains of Dr Pepper. Oh, and he treated himself to a two-hour bath almost daily.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, but I realized how strange it must feel for him to be on the outs. I thought about how I would feel if I lived with three other people I had nothing in common with, and I always felt weird about leaving him out. My odd-roommate-out scenario taught me about living in a group and how important it is to live with compatible people.
Through all my years living with other people, and through being a roommate myself, I’ve finally figured out what I need: a quiet but friendly environment that I can call my home. I love having people around, but I also need my privacy. I just know what’s important to me. And I know that as my needs change through every stage of life, there will be a perfect roommate situation.
