Given the 400 miles of radiant coastline and drudging flatland separating Los Angeles and San Francisco, getting back and forth is a real bitch, especially over the holidays. As someone who’s been making this trip since I had a chain wallet (jeez), the last 40,000 miles I’ve traveled have taught me that flying is for rich, crazy people; that the train takes too long; that ride-sharing is unreliable; and that hitchhiking is for poor, crazy people.
Welcome to Megabus, the intersection of cost and value. It originally ran the LA–SF route in 2007 but quickly shut down due to financial woes. It then restarted at the end of 2012, this time to some success. It’s a double-decker coach boasting outlets, free Wi-Fi, and — best of all — $1 fares. This holiday will mark my 35th trip.
The SF–LA Megabus picks up and drops off at the Caltrain Station, then heads either to Oakland or San Jose before hitting the I-5, with a single midway stop before you’re in downtown Burbank and finally Los Angeles Union Station.
The ride is cheap as all hell. Every ticket purchased increases the price of the next ticket, which means two things: the first few fares for any bus are between $1 and $5, and the cheaper the ticket, the less company on your ride. As a seasoned traveler, I don’t mind arriving at my destination at 3:00 in the morning so long as I can pay next to nothing to travel like a king, controlling anywhere from two to four adjacent seats.
The difference between having one or both seats on the Megabus is the difference between a painfully sore ass and semi-comfortable sleep. If you’re on a relatively empty bus, you should have no trouble holding onto that spot next to you. Just plop your bag down and pop in some headphones. As the bus fills up in either Oakland or San Jose, you’ll be able to tell from the line outside whether you should move your stuff or pretend to be asleep.
My advice? Get to the bus early and go up top to the very front for an unbroken view of the road through the giant windshield. Drop your bag next to you and start furiously rifling through it until the bus leaves, deliberately avoiding eye contact. Pray that nobody taps you on the shoulder. The caveat to staking out your adjacent seat is that if someone asks, you give it up. Don’t be a double dick.
Don’t feel bad about adjusting your seat all the way back, unless someone is sitting behind you. In that case, spend the next half hour gradually adjusting your incline by an inch every time you hit a bump in the road. If your fellow traveler notices you doing this and puts their feet up on your seat, your seat will pop forward the next time you depress the lever and learn your lesson. This is Bus Law.
The electrical outlets are a godsend. They’re three-pronged, so plug in a damn mini-fridge if you want (don’t). There’s one outlet for each seat, so if you’re next to someone, plug your phone into your laptop instead of using both outlets. On the other hand, the advertised Wi-Fi is virtually nonexistent. Do not expect to use it; you will be reconnecting endlessly and become way too angry for a bus ride. Pre-download some movies for the ride or browse Reddit on your phone.
All the busses are kept at a constant 75 degrees, and the temperature gauge is perpetually broken. If you’re sitting next to a vent, God help you. A blanket, a jacket, and two sweaters are no match for the hose-like assault of icy air. Halfway through one trip, I gathered all the trash I could find and crammed it into the open vent, blocking it just enough to fall asleep despite my shivering and teeth-chattering, and unrelated bus rattling (FYI, it’s the curtain rod in the back, always).
As for your company, riders often fall into three distinct categories: 1. Twentysomething European tourists backpacking around America; they travel in groups and will loudly discuss their plans for the entire trip. 2. Middle-aged, depressed men; they travel alone and in complete silence. I am positive they are all packing heat. 3. Groups of elderly Asian women; they’ll have one too many bags, but they fall asleep almost immediately once onboard and never hoard seats.
Speaking of which, you are allowed one carry-on and one checked bag. Any additional bags come with the price of an extra ticket, which can be purchased on the spot from the driver — the cost of which is always over $50, even if the online price is cheaper. If you know you need to bring an extra bag, buy yourself two tickets when you have the chance, or convince somebody without a checked bag to take yours, although the drivers hate this.
But in the end, this really all comes down to cost and your willingness to travel at undesirable hours. You’ll end up spending about $15 a trip (that’s just how much the tickets end up being on average), which is considerably less than the other transportation options. Do some yoga, pack light, and grab a bus — it’s 400 miles all the same.
