A side hustle is almost mandatory in the Bay Area if you pay your own rent or enjoy those $8 lattes. Many define it as a second job or a passion project that you sell in some way or at least exchange for goods and/or services. It’s not just a hobby. Hobbies are for retired people or those giving sobriety a whirl. It needs to pay in some way.
Here are some of the most popular side hustles in the Bay Area and some unscientifically wild assumptions about the people who do them.
Selling Vintage Clothing
Favorite movie: Almost Famous
Where you can find one: Thrifting in the Haight
Once quoted saying: “I need that.”
Highlight of the year: Hitting 2,000 Instagram followers
Slay, queen. My girl’s got the floppiest hats, scarves and booty-popping bell bottoms this side of the Bay Bridge. Fashion isn’t about wearing new stuff all the time; it’s about wearing different stuff every four to six months and rocking the shit out of it at brunch. Good thing you raided your mom’s box in the attic and found some come-ups to sell on your Instagram Story. Fuck, might as well start selling candles and jewelry too. Careful, it’s a slippery slope after that. Next thing you know, you’ll be moving amethyst crystals, and that’s a dangerous game to play.
Uber/Lyft/Taxi Driver
Favorite movie: Driving Miss Daisy / Gone in 60 Seconds
Where you can find one: Lost near San Mateo, currently rerouting
Once quoted saying: “Hey, wake up. You’re here.”
Highlight of the year: Salesforce construction is over
The Uber Driver, the Almighty Patient One, who sits in front of me, always polite as we drunkenly small-talk about moving to America. How nice of you to let me put some music on. You must love the feeling of the open road, the wind in your hair and the rev of an engine through your chest. That or stoically sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic all day. SF is miserable to drive in, but you play it cool.
You heroically transport me, a pauper barely willing to pay $4, across the city, tip likely not included. Don’t get me wrong—it’s not that I don’t want to tip; it’s just really easy to choose not to when I walk into my apartment with my back turned to your car. I’m sorry.
Drug Dealer
Favorite Movie: Blow
Where you can find one: The bathroom of a loud bar in the Marina or in a bedroom at a house party talking about geopolitics
Once quoted saying: “Since you’re my homie, I can do 60.”
Highlight of the year: Partied with Dirt Nasty in Tahoe
Drug-dealing is one of the most timeless side hustles. Your grandfather probably risked his life selling an eighth of pot in 1964. But realistically, there exists a wide spectrum of drug dealers, and as a San Francisco resident in 2018, you’re likely not falling in the “I need to do this because society has pinned me in a corner, and this is my only means of survival” state of mind. It’s more like, “I like drugs. My friends like drugs. They have more friends who like drugs. Let’s all be friends.” This sort of side-hustle drug dealer in the Bay Area has a full-time job, maybe working as a coder or a sales rep and is more or less an overprescribed pseudo-adult or a dumb rich kid, not realizing that less fortunate people go to prison for doing this.
As long as you stop doing it by the time most of your friends have kids, you’ll get out unscathed. You can stop anytime, right?
CEO of a Start-Up
Favorite Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street, every night before bed, butt-naked
Where you can find one: Fixing a software bug in his apartment for the last 36 hours
Once quoted saying: “Been talking to a few investors…”
Highlight of the year: Getting laid after TechCrunch
This person is cool. They run a start-up while also working a full-time job, which requires ambition and leadership. They know the product or service entirely because they invented it and love the total control it gives them. That sort of dedication and resolve would likely make them the salutatorian of their high school — but definitely not the valedictorian. The valedictorian already launched a VC a few years back because she knows it’s easier to invest in companies than found them.
At least you get the title of entrepreneur. The only entrepreneurs I know show up on social media telling me how I can make $5,000 a week and work for myself doing multi-level marketing. I hope to see you there one day, yelling at me through Instagram about how easy it is to run your own business, you cool guy you.
Cannabis Trimmer
Favorite Movie: Bio-Dome
Where you can find one: Dragging friends, who’d rather day-drink, to go on a hike
Once quoted saying: “It’s not nearly as dangerous as alcohol.”
Highlight of the year: Pretty shitty year, actually—turns out legalization kind of sucks
Calling someone a stoner for being a weed clipper would be totally cliche and stereotypical. But can you really imagine someone surrounding themselves with hundreds of pounds of marijuana who doesn’t smoke at least a little bit? If cannabis wasn’t so damn legal in California, I’d think those were narcs.
Amazon Reseller
Favorite Movie: The Sting
Where you can find one: Sitting back with his feet up
Once quoted saying: “Oh yeah, I forgot I had that website.”
Highlight of the year: Making more money managing a one-page website than what he makes at his full-time job
The Amazon reseller nailed it. Just create a site that reposts products linking to Amazon. Then through the magic of the internet, make ad revenue and commission sales. Gotta respect the simplicity. Here’s everyone else risking freedom for a high, slaving behind a wheel or following barely rewarding passions for almost no revenue, and you just stroll in and out like Keyser Söze, unsuspecting but the true mastermind behind the side hustle. Don’t ever change, Amazon Reseller.
Personal Art Dealer
Favorite Movie: Basquiat
Where you can find one: Inspiring themselves in a nook in Golden Gate Park alone with a sketchbook, debating whether they should post another picture of the setting
Once quoted saying: “Swipe up!”
Highlight of the year: Selling something—anything—please, God
Shout out to my graphic designers out there, grinding all day in an office listening to marketing idiots half-assedly explain a vague idea of what their “brand” needs in terms of a color palette and stock images. You create that real shit, that thought-provoking, cig-smokin’ type of art the requires a beanie lightly placed upon your crown and loose-fitting, navy-blue khakis rolled up your calf to truly appreciate. Your time will come when the art you sell in your garage on Sundays draws bigger crowds than the street performers who literally play someone else’s music on a boombox and arrhythmically bang on drums.
Freelance Writer/Blogger
Favorite movie: Prefers to tell you why your favorite sucks
Where you can find one: In a bar, a coffee shop or a local park, telling people about the story he hasn’t written yet
Once quoted saying: “This dude sucks at writing.”
Highlight of the Year: You’re looking at it
Gotta be self-reflective here. The freelance writer probably has a full-time job in advertising, marketing or public relations, and is forced to write mindless copy about topics he couldn’t care less about. Ideally, he’d write full-time, but here’s the catch: he can’t afford that type of salary because of student loans and the choice of studying journalism at a party school.
He’ll get to full-time writing eventually, just when he starts saving up some money or maybe after that trip he plans to go on next month. That’s sure to drum up a couple of newfound perspectives. I mean…definitely by the time he’s 30, he will have started that career, right? Right?
Ah, fuck it. Let’s sell some drugs.
Hey! The Bold Italic recently launched a podcast, This Is Your Life in Silicon Valley. Check out the full season or listen to the episode below featuring Jessica Alter, founder of Tech for Campaigns. More coming soon, so stay tuned!
