By Kaitlin Chamberlain
Dear Mary Jane,
Ugh. Where do I even begin? We’ve been together for about six years now. Six long, but beautiful years and as much as it hurts me to say this, I think we both know our relationship just isn’t working anymore.
I’ll never forget the first time we met at that college party. You’ve always been so social, so cool, making friends everywhere you go, and honestly, that’s what drew me to you that night. We were introduced casually but it wasn’t long before we found ourselves in the backseat of my car, really getting to know one another. I remember the way you smelled that night — clean, smooth, and a lot like nature. Just being in your presence caused me to hallucinate.
We have so many good memories together, moments that I could never share with anyone else, at least not in the same way. Who else will I work through a whole pack of Oreos with while watching Game of Thrones? Everyone else in SF basically eats juice for every meal. I like juice but it’s not a meal and I know you agree with me. And remember how much fun we’ve had at Outside Lands over the years?
But our relationship has reached an unhealthy point. I’ve put on 10 pounds in the last year. I don’t even dream at night anymore, and I can’t focus on my schoolwork. It’s already hard enough going to art school at 26 without the added distractions you bring to me. I can’t put it all on you, though. I know I’ve played my role in this, too.
And although our relationship’s had its downfalls, I’ll always be thankful for everything you’ve come to mean to me. No one makes me laugh as hard as you do, no one knows how to comfort me after a hard day the way you know how to, and no one knows how to lull me to sleep like a baby quite the way you do. I’m really going to miss all those things about you.
The thing is, I feel like I don’t even know who I am without you. I’d like to say I know you feel the same way, but it’s no secret that you’ve been on the lips of others. You’re probably hanging out with Craig from upstairs right now while I write this.
It’s really important for me to focus on where I’m going and what I want to make of myself. It’s always been “us” and I need it to be just “me” now. Of course, this realization couldn’t come at a worse time, with summer being right around the corner. We’ve always spent summers in Tahoe with our friends, but I have to look at the bigger picture now.
I know our friends are going to feel like they have to choose sides, but I really don’t want that. I mean, if it really comes down to it, you can keep Meagan, even though she was my friend first. I know how much you like each other and I don’t want to come between that.
Still, it’s going to be really awkward running into one another all the time. I’ve prepared myself for that and I have no qualms about being friendly, but I’ll have to keep my distance. I wish we could stay in touch, but at this point I think we both know how strong our connection is and how difficult it could be to stay close. I don’t want to be that couple that breaks up all the time, just to get back together the next month. That’s annoying for everyone involved, and it’s pathetic.
This is definitely going to be harder on me than it is for you. I think with time we will be able to know each other again one day. Not like we have been, but I look forward to the day when I can ask you to come over and help me mellow out after a busy work day or to go see a show at The Independent. You’ve always been my favorite concert buddy.
I’ll be thinking of you and I wish you nothing but the best, Mary Jane.
From the bottom of my heart,
Kaitlin
