By Logan Hesse
Like a lot of people, I wrestled with the idea of trying online dating. On the one hand, the efficiency appealed to me. After all, traditional dating takes time — introducing myself to girls, getting rejected by them, weeping softly while pleasuring myself. But with the Internet, I can knock that process down to 20 minutes. On the other hand, OkCupid still carries a faint bouquet of desperation, despite how widespread its use has become. As we learned with the tramp stamp, when something stops being taboo, it doesn’t necessarily stop sucking. Ultimately, I figured that the potential benefits (meeting someone fantastic) versus the cost (the time it takes to check your email and quietly strangle your dignity) made online dating worth it. To put it another way, wading out into the current and fly-fishing may be more fun, but if you’re trying to catch your dinner, you’d be silly not to leave some bait on a bobber in the calm shallows while you’re at it.
What I’ve learned is this: if there’s one thing that online dating is good for, it’s that it makes you far more productive, if for no other reason than keeping your profile up-to-date. Apparently, every single lady in the greater Bay Area is not only a world-class chef but also a rock-climbing enthusiast, artist, world traveler, and unicorn trainer. I wonder who would have time to go on a date if they actually did all the shit they list in their OkCupid profile.
Now apparently, there are only ten different guys on OkCupid, but I have to say, sometimes it seems like we’re all checking out the same lady. There are only so many times you can ask yourself, “If she’s so great, why is she on this thing?” before you need a little something else to keep you interested. So, since online dating isn’t sad enough, I decided to add drinking alone into the mix. Thus, for your edification, I present the OkCupid drinking game for straight men in the slideshow above.
