By Emma Webster
This article is part of San Francisco Confesses, a feature series dedicated to anonymous stories from locals they’d never share with their name attached.
It’s 2020, and among all the chaos, there is one truth we can all still rely on: Dating sucks. The means of getting a date may have changed over the past couple of decades, but the age-old doubts and questions still plague us:
Do they like me back? When will they reach out? Will we go on a second date?
And don’t forget: How do I tell someone I don’t want to see them again?
We talked to some of you who’ve gone to great lengths to avoid doing just that, and in light of our Week of Anonymous Stories, we rounded up your anonymous tales of the worst things you’ve done to get out of a date. Hey, lying is better than ghosting… right?
I once met someone at a bar and invited him back to my place. On the way, I determined he was a terrible kisser and annoying, so I pretended to vomit and said I was really sick. He went home after that.
About four years ago, I was working for a travel company that was sending me on a three-week trip to China. I had just gone out with a guy from a dating app who I felt kind of indifferent about but who seemed to really like me. I wanted to let him down easy and didn’t want to just blow him off, so I told him I was going to China. Except I said I was moving there and didn’t know when I’d be back. I figured it was sort of true since I was going to China, and if he were to look at my Instagram, he would see I had actually been there. In retrospect, I’m sure the whole thing reeked of a giant lie.
I went on a few dates with a girl I connected enough with for it to be kinda fun. But then she went away on vacation for a couple weeks, and I met someone I vibed with way more while she was gone. Before she’d left on vacation, we had agreed to go to a show when she got back. Unfortunately, the new guy I’d met also had a ticket to this show. So, all three of us went and I introduced him to her as the guy I’d been seeing. She didn’t ask for any more dates.
I invited a friend to the second half of my bad date so we could “all watch the game together.”
I once told a guy my dad had died so I couldn’t date. My dad had died, just 17 years earlier.
I once ate a whole pack of Tums in front of a guy to make him think I had stomach issues and then asked him to take me home.
Told them that I was in the mood to go to Iceland and I booked a three-week trip. I have never been to Iceland and did not plan to go. Three weeks pass and I thought I was in the clear when I got a “how was your trip?” text. I am a terrible person.
I faked sick for two weeks straight and then he eventually gave up.
I told a guy my friend’s brother got in a car accident and I couldn’t make it.
I once asked out this cashier at the grocery store who I thought was really cute. It turned out, once he was out of his uniform, he was far less attractive to me. He was also just really strange. Halfway through the date, I pretended to get a call from a friend asking me for help. Right as I was saying, “I’ll be right there,” to my fake friend, my phone actually started ringing loudly (I am not kidding you). I panicked and ignored the ringing and left abruptly anyways.
I used to work at a travel company where every few weeks I was in charge of a cellphone that served as a 24/7 emergency hotline for travelers who might have issues outside of office hours. During one of the times I had the emergency phone, I went on a really weird date and he was clearly more serious and into it than I was. Luckily, before I had left for the date, I had given my roommate the direct line for the phone and instructions to call me on it 45 minutes into the date. That way, if it went south, I could pretend there was an issue and I had to leave. And that’s exactly what I did!
I told someone my mother had an accident, and I had to go to the hospital.
In college, I told a guy he was like a brother to me after he asked me on a second date. I honestly didn’t realize what a bitch move this was until I was sitting in a class, talking with that same guy, and the professor said something like, “This is as bad as when a lady you’re interested in tells you you’re like a brother to her.”
After an average dinner out (which we split), this guy tried to insist to walk me home on our first date. I suggested that we stop at a bar halfway to my house to find a way out of the awkward walk, but only succeeded in building his liquid courage even more. After flat out insisting I was fine to walk home alone, he wasn’t having it and followed me like a puppy. At my door he cut my ‘goodbye’ short, asking if he could come up to use the bathroom quickly. Still playing it nice, I let him come up and then quickly shut the door in his face after he used the bathroom. Next morning’s message: “I think I left my winter hat at your house.” HELL NO, you did not, even though I found it. I gifted his hat to another dude the following week and ghosted the first guy’s ass.
Someone I was on a date with made a very sly, judgmental remark about body modification that was off-putting to say the least. I threw $60 on the table (before the appetizers had even arrived) and said, “Life’s too short for this shit, boy bye.” I saw him on Grindr a few months later.
