Valentine’s Day shines a spotlight on your relationship status whether you’re single, partnered, or have been on three dates and haven’t seen each other’s nipples yet. In fact, it is the most popular day for dating-app downloads nationwide. I want to help.
Here are some possible dating-profile bios in haiku form that you can gain inspiration from or use for yourself.
I am looking for
a good communicator
who likes to dry hump
Feed me snacks in the
morning, snacks in the evening,
and at supper time.
Always lose my socks,
will need to wear yours,
buy some extra now
Don’t like fancy meals —
chicken nuggets and french fries
will get me going
My turn-ons include:
clean rooms, savings accounts, and
wart-less genitals
OK. Have a thing …
Sweaters, like Mr Rogers?
Will you marry me?
I’m bad at sleeping,
hoping for bedtime stories
told in deadpan voice
These are things Ex says:
“Great at making lasagna.”
“And she never snores.”
I hope you don’t have:
a tendency to lie, or
your virginity
