By The Bold Italic
With Folsom Street Fair coming up on the horizon (Sunday, September 21 from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.), we’re getting excited to see some leather insanity from all walks of life on display. It’s an incredible sight to behold; men hung on crosses getting their asses flogged, chariots lead by sexy grandmas, six-foot-tall drag queens, piss pigs, bondage, and dick on balls on dick on balls on dick; if you’ve got a fetish, you’ll probably find it here. Every year I come to observe, and every year I walk away with a million questions, like “Doesn’t that hurt?”, “Where does one buy that?”, and “How can you breathe in that thing?”
Luckily for all of us, San Francisco’s own BDSM empire, Kink.com, is not only hosting a number of events during the fair, but also offering dozens of classes and workshops for the curious. Last year I spent nearly an hour watching folks get tied up and suspended, but when I tried it later on my partner, we tore the chandelier out of the ceiling and lost our deposit. This year I decided to come see what Kink had to offer by way of a rope bondage workshop so I could avoid making the same mistakes, and thankfully they hooked me up with a class to get the hang of it.
Although my partner and I weren’t quite as knowledgeable as some of the other participants, we felt quite comfortable and safe.
The workshop I attended was held on the top floor of the Armory, which, if you’ve never been, is decorated like an old Victorian mansion, replete with red velvet, aged wood, and oil paintings of hardcore bondage porn everywhere. Oil paintings of a woman getting her ass fisted, transgender performers getting jerked-off and male submission set the mood for a sensual, bonding experience. I felt right at home. Our instructors/guides, Kanso and Blue of Bondage Erotique, offered us tea and water before gathering us in a circle to explain the principles of what we were about to see. The practice of Japanese box tying rope bondage, called “Gote Shibari” is a complicated series of techniques for a chest loaded suspension tie, and although my partner and I weren’t quite as knowledgeable as some of the other participants, we felt quite comfortable and safe. As they spoke, I realized they were experts not only at rope bondage, but also at ASMR voice-tone, and I felt at peace.
First Kanso demonstrated the technique we were going to learn. He began weaving the rope around Blue’s body with a series of expert, mindful, and technical gestures, explaining each one quickly as he moved from step to step. As he threaded the rope through her arms, around her chest, he’d point out specific anatomical differences, and why the rope should be “here” instead of “here”, based on where the weight would eventually sit, and how to make sure your partner was as comfortable as possible. He even gave tips for how to tie around big or small breasts, depending on our aesthetic preferences. Although the technique was perfect, the method was calm and casual, and I trusted that we would soon learn each step as we went through it.
As the sun went down outside the window, painting the room a golden orange, the bind was done, and it was time for us to practice what we’d just seen. Slowly, methodically, Kanso and a still-bound Blue walked amongst us as we followed their instructions, with safe, nonjudgmental corrections in a pleasing, knowledgeable tone. As each simple step was completed, the complex interconnected support system began to make sense, and everybody’s rope construction was beautiful and unique, as it sought to support their individual body composition and skeletal frame.
Although I didn’t expect everyone to be the same, with only seven couples, not one seemed to fit a “stereotype” about being tied up and suspended.
The variety in the class was eye-opening for me. Although I didn’t expect everyone to be the same, with only seven couples, not one seemed to fit a “stereotype” about being tied up and suspended. From young to old, straight to gay, friends and lovers alike, we all felt at peace with what we wanted to accomplish, and trust in the instructors to guide us there. Kanso even explained a particularly complex step in Spanish to one couple so as to better illustrate the concept in their language. The intimacy of bondage was beautiful to watch: one boyfriend gently fed his girlfriend water while she was tied up, another scratched behind her partner’s ear.
At the end of the class, we’d all learned something new, and had some homework to work on. Although we wouldn’t be suspending each other just yet, we certainly had some new techniques to bring home, and resolved to come to the next one ready to learn more.
You can peruse the upcoming workshops here, which cover nearly every vestige of a kinkier life, from balloon-animal bondage (seriously) to a real discussion on the issues of coming out, to descriptive guides on having better, rougher sex. Check out what excites you, and maybe you’ll discover something wonderful and new…
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