The annual Halloween conundrum: you really want to go to all these Halloween parties, because costuming is a cathartic means of temporarily escaping the feeling of being a cog in a capitalist machine week after week, year after year — yet because you are said cog, you don’t have free time after work to plan the elaborate costume you wanted.
Enough bleakness! These are some pretty simple costume ideas you can probably make just from stuff lying around your house and in closets. While brainstorming, we specifically picked costumes that were mostly more “edgy” in order to help you feel alive—however briefly. Let’s do this.
Ted Cruz-Zodiac Killer Mashup Costume
What you’ll need: Wear your nicest suit, add an American flag lapel and part your hair with a lot of gel. Then bloody your hands, grab a kitchen knife and print out some of the Zodiac Killer’s letters written in code to pass out to people.
Probable reactions: Joy from everyone except religious conservatives, who will be horrified. But given that they live in the Bay Area, they are probably generally horrified.
Warning: Trying to emulate his weird speech affect is harder than you think.
Dead Laura Palmer
What you’ll need: Cornstarch or something else white that you can rub on your face to make yourself look dead, plastic sheeting like the kind you might get on a new mattress or draped from scaffolding at a construction site.
Probable reactions: Twin Peaks fans will love it; others will be confused.
Warning: Don’t send pictures of your costume to your mom — no one likes seeing their child simulate death.
Unabomber
What you’ll need: Nondescript hoodie, aviators, brown paper bag with something heavy inside, a sneering expression.
Probable reactions: Angry looks from normal people, bemused reactions from terrible people.
Warning: The police tend to dislike this costume.
Appliance You Just Bought
What you’ll need: A leftover box from the big thing you bought recently, tape, scissors, moxie.
Probable reactions: Mixed.
Warning: Usually, you kinda have to build yourself around the costume, meaning that these costumes won’t last for more than one night.
The Fog
What you’ll need: Gray clothes and a spray bottle. When people approach, mist them with your spray bottle.
Probable reactions: Positive on a hot day, negative on a cold one.
Warning: People wearing makeup won’t appreciate being sprayed.
Gentrifier
What you’ll need: A hoodie with a start-up logo on it, a phone you can’t stop staring at, propensity for using the word “disruption” way too frequently, a sense of fragility when someone mentions the word “gentrification.”
Probable reactions: People who work in tech will alternately ignore you and/or explain to you how irritated they are by homeless people.
Warning: They will think you’re one of them.
